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THE LIBRARY ( 
OF CONGRESS 

WASHINGTON 



Entered according to Act of Congress in the year 1859, by 

NORMAN WHITE, 

in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the 
Southern District of New York. 



INTRODUCTORY. 



It has not been without considerable hesitation 
that this tribute to the memory of a wife and 
mother has been prepared for the use of relatives 
and friends. 

The subject of this brief memorial was ever 
instinctively inclined to shrink from intruding 
upon even her most intimate friends anything 
relating to herself, and the record which she left 
of the meditations of her thoughtful hours was 
never intended for perusal beyond the circle of 
her own family. 

But the earnest wish, expressed by the few who 
were aware that such memoranda had been left, 
that they might be preserved in a form suitable 
for private distribution, together with the desire 
to perpetuate the memory of one so warmly loved 



11 

by all who knew her, has led to the preparation 
of this little volume. 

The selections which have been made comprise 
but a part of the precious material found. Much 
that is deeply interesting as showing the sponta- 
neous outflowings of the heart of a christian wife 
and mother is of a nature strictly private, and is 
so blended with family incidents that it is deemed 
best not to transcribe it. 

The selections found in the following pages 
have been made by those who knew her as no 
others could, whose earliest moments were blessed 
by her tender care and love, and who, guided by 
her gentle hand through infant life, were permit- 
ted in riper years still to enjoy her wise counsels 
and bright example. 

Let filial affection then, with reverent hand, 
arrange the rich treasures of a mother's bequest 
as the most appropriate testimony of gratitude for 
that unwearied faithfulness and love which contri- 
buted so largely to throw around the morning of 
life the hallowed influence of harmony and 
unbroken kindness. 



Ill 

If the perusal of these pages shall lead any to 
apprehend that the long years of suffering of her, 
whose memory is so fondly cherished, laid a 
wearisome burden upon him who more than any 
other one had the privilege of ministering to her 
wants and of sharing her joys and sorrows, let 
them be assured that no such burden was ever 
felt. Most unmindful must he have been of the 
precious boon of such a companion had he not 
esteemed it his greatest privilege to soothe and 
alleviate the sufferings of one whose whole life 
was so unselfish, and who, in affliction, was so 
uncomplaining as to call forth the wonder and 
admiration of all who knew her. 

K W. 

New York, January, 1859. 



I. 



In the month, of September, 1808, a father 
away from his home, was seized with a sudden 
illness. Apprehensive of a fatal result, his 
thoughts turned toward his family whom he had 
left but three days before. With especial tender- 
ness his heart yearned over an infant daughter, 
and he dictated the following letter, giving her 
in this manner her name, and signed it with a 
trembling hand. 

"Mary Abiah, 

"Dear little Child. I hardly know how to 
address you in my weak state, while you are 
incapable of discerning between your right hand 
and your left. 

" If you should continue in this world until 
you come to years of discretion, Oh, that you 
may live before Grod! That you may be a 

1 



help and comfort to your mother, and to your 
brothers and sisters, an ornament to the church 
of Christ, and a blessing to the world. 

" I desire to commit you into the arms of Him 
who, when he was upon earth, took up little 
children and blessed them, saying, ' Of such is the 
kingdom of Heaven.' Oh ! that if it is consistent 
with His purposes He would redeem you by His 
blood, and sanctify you by His spirit, and out of 
the mouth of a babe and suckling perfect praise ! 

" This is the prayer of your dear Father." 

Seven years later an aged minister of Christ 
approached his dying hour. As his eyes were 
closing upon the scenes of earth, his soul dwelt 
upon the covenant of God with believing parents. 
Eaising his voice in a remarkable prayer, he 
remembered children and children's children, 
naming each of his numerous descendants, and 
expressing his fervent desire and strong faith that 
the blessings of the covenant would abide with 
them all to the latest generation. Among the 
grand-children mentioned in this prayer of the 
Eev. Aaron Cleveland was the child to whom the 
foregoing letter was addressed. 

That in her case the grandfather's faith and the 



3 

father's prayer were not unrewarded, her own 
testimony will show, as, in after years, we see 
how she leaned upon and was supported by a 
covenant God through life and in death. 

Mary Abiah, third daughter and fifth child 
of David L. and Sarah Cleveland Dodge, 
was born at Hartford, Connecticut, Sept. 1, 1808. 

Soon after her birth the family removed to 
New York, and there remained until 1819, when 
they returned to Connecticut, and made their 
residence at Bozrah, near Norwich. Here they 
lived for seven years, and so the education of this 
daughter was amid scenery well adapted to foster 
her natural love of the beautiful, and her delicate 
power of appreciation. 

Those who knew her during this period of 
childhood and youth bear one testimony to her 
personal attractiveness, her loveliness and moral 
worth. The graces which were so finely deve- 
loped in her mature womanhood invested her 
earlier life with their peculiar charms, — the same 
simplicity and sincerity, the same industry and 
energy, the same amiableness and decision, the 
same forgetfulness of self, and mindfulness of 
others. One of her friends writes, "We all 



thought cousin Mary perfect, and I often won- 
dered if it would be possible for any one else to 
be like her." Her father, — the exactness of whose 
judgment no one who knew him would question 
in such a case, — once remarked that he could 
recall but two occasions upon which he had 
deemed it necessary to reprove her, and the 
sequel in both instances proved the censure un- 
deserved. A little incident suggests itself in this 
connexion, tending to show the strength of her 
determination when duty placed its demand upon 
her. During one season, being unable to attend 
school on account of ill health, her principal em- 
ployment was in her father's library, of which 
she had the care. Among many solid volumes 
were a few works of fiction, which, being of a 
superior order, presented strong attraction to one 
of such decided literary taste. And she would 
frequently be absorbed for hours together in the 
fascinating pleasure of their perusal. But one 
day, when in the very heart of a most thrilling 
romance, the idea occurred to her that she was 
wasting time, and might be about some better 
employment. She resolved instantly to read no 
farther, and indeed to open no more fiction until 
her school education, at least, should be completed. 



The book was closed, and not another line of 
any similar work did she read until after her 
marriage. 

But whatever may have been the opinion of 
friends her own convictions revealed to her the 
need of something better than either natural love- 
liness or the graces of culture. Though brought 
up under the most careful Christian influences, and 
therefore one in whom we would expect to see an 
illustration of piety from infancy, she never re- 
garded herself as one renewed by the Holy Ghost 
in early childhood, but always spoke, with peculiar 
emotion, of hours of conflict in connexion with 
her first full awaking to the Saviour's claims. 
Her own impressions may have been correct or 
otherwise, for it is not easy to define the times 
and seasons which God hath in his own power. 
Yet, by her own statement, it appears that when 
nearly twelve years old, her anxiety was aroused 
in behalf of a very dear brother who was in feeble 
health. An overheard conversation between him 
and their mother opened her eyes to a deeper 
view of her own spiritual state. She remained 
thoughtful, her seriousness being increased by 
reason of the prevalence of an epidemic of malig- 
nant character, and the removal by death of 



6 



several of her companions. In the winter ensuing 
there was a great religious interest throughout 
the community, the influences connected with 
which served to bring her to a definite Christian 
position. An extract from a letter written twenty- 
two years afterward, and addressed to one of her 
children, gives her view of the effect produced in 
her mind through one of the meetings attended 
at that season. She writes : 

"I felt that I had probably received the last 
call I should ever have, to enter the service of 
Christ; that if I did not accept the offers of Divine 
Mercy, the Holy Spirit would never visit me 
again. I lay in my bed, from which sleep 
was banished, until nearly morning, exclaiming, 
' Oh, how dark is my mind, and how dark 
appears all the future !' Before I slept I became 
more calm, and felt willing that God should do 
with me as He would. I doubt not that there 
was the place, and that the hour, when I first 
submitted to the will of God. I awoke to behold 
a beautiful Sabbath morning, and found my heart 
filled with peace. During the day my joyful 
emotions were so strong, that I felt impelled to 
communicate them to my parents." 



On the same day, the Sabbath, her brother also 
rejoiced with her, in a newly found Saviour. 
This was the eighth of June, 1821, "a day ever to 
be remembered by me, 77 she adds, " as the one 
upon which I received the greatest blessing that 
can be granted to a sinful creature.' 7 She soon 
committed to paper a solemn dedication of herself 
to her Maker, which, with some original rules for 
"Holy Living, 77 she read daily in her closet for 
many years. And from this time her Christian 
course was onward and upward. Her public pro- 
fession of faith in Christ was made on the first 
Sabbath in May, 1822, when she united with the 
Church in Bozrah. For nearly five years after 
this she kept a journal, but subsequently de- 
stroyed it, having "some conscientious scruples 
lest her motives should not be right. 77 

Until she was seventeen years old, as has 
been already intimated, her home was in this 
secluded place. And here the long and uninter- 
rupted days furnished ample opportunity for the 
development of her tendencies to diligent and 
systematic employment. A good share of house- 
hold duty fell to her lot ; but neither this nor the 
calls of pleasure were permitted to interfere with 
her religious exercises. She at this period, as 



8 



always, jealously guarded her hour for devotion 
from all intrusion. The Bible she read through 
once a year, and thus gained a remarkable fami- 
liarity with its precise language. The quaint old 
commentaries, with some other theological works 
in her father's possession, were eagerly studied, — ■ 
singular as this may appear in one of her age. A 
favorite occupation was the collection of proof 
texts upon important points, with which she filled 
several manuscript volumes. 

Being also fond of her pen, she kept up a cor- 
respondence with girls of her own age, of which 
but a few specimens remain. Yet the drift of 
the whole, if these be a fair sample, is in one 
direction, tending to promote their spiritual wel- 
fare, and showing how near her heart lay the 
interests of her Saviour's kingdom. With one 
of these friends the correspondence, singularly 
begun, was continued through life.* 

* A word is due to this correspondence. Mary and Miss 

B lost a mutual and very dear friend, they themselves 

being entirely unacquainted excepting through that medium. 
In their bereavement they sought each other's sympathy by 
letter, and the correspondence continued as above stated. 
Though but two or three personal interviews were enjoyed 
during the whole period, and these brief, the mutual attach- 



9 



Judging from the letters, in part, we find that 
her religious character was marked by a de- 
cision and elevation unusual in one so youthful. 
She expresses an abiding dissatisfaction with all 
her own attainments, and a longing for an experi- 
ence of higher order than that which is common 
among Christians. 

Quoting a remark of one most revered friend, 
James Brainerd Taylor, she writes to another : 

11 Why is it, my dear , that we do not feel 

as he does ? The reason is obvious. We do not 
live as he does, entirely devoted to God. Let us 
hunger and thirst after righteousness ; let us go on 
from one degree of grace to another, until we 
arrive at a perfect stature in Christ Jesus. . . . Let 
us endeavor to be uncommon Christians ; to be 
holy, spiritually -minded, and devoted to God, so 
that whether living or dying we may be the 
Lord's." 



And before closing she adds the practical 
question, "If we are God's children, is there not 
something for us to do ?" 

ment became very strong. Miss B , and the Mrs. 

Gr subsequently mentioned, are the same. 

i* 



10 

The removal of the family from the seclusion 
and, to Mary, moat precious associations of this 
quiet country home to New York once more, in 
1826, was in her view no small trial. But cheer- 
fully submitting to the appointment of Provi- 
dence, she carried the same spirit of simple piety 
and usefulness, into her new circle of acquaint- 
ance, which had been so happily exhibited in the 
previous retirement. Uniting with the Laight 
street Presbyterian Church, of which her uncle 
Dr. Samuel H. Cox was pastor, she became at 
once active in the Sabbath School and in female 
prayer meetings, as in all good works. And in 
this activity, which continued to be characteristic 
of her, as well as in the testimony of some who 
observed her carefully, there is abundant evi- 
dence that her christian growth was not impeded 
by her change of residence from the quietness of 
rural life to the city so full of novelty and 
temptation. Indeed, she was from week to week 
maturing for the service of life to which she was 
subsequently called. 



11 



II. 



With the year 1828 a new era opens in her 
life. Her confidential letters to a friend contain 
a few delicate intimations of the subject which 
weighed upon her mind, and of the true womanly 
and christian spirit in which she sought direction 
from above, and made the eventful decision. 

On Wednesday, October 15th, 1828, just hav- 
ing completed her twentieth year, she was mar- 
ried to Mr. Norman White, of the city of New 
York. After the farewell, upon leaving the pa- 
ternal home, her mother found upon her table a 
note " for her parents" — full of a daughter's 
heart. 

" Let me request," she wrote, "a continuance 
of your advice, admonitions, and prayers. I need 
all these, dear parents, perhaps more than ever, 
and am thankful that I am not to be situated 

beyond the reach of parental instruction 

This step I can truly say has not been taken 
without much consideration, and much, very 
much earnest prayer for divine direction. I can 



12 

but believe that God has been pleased to answer 
my request and make known to me His will. 
My ardent desire is that God will in mercy 
accompany us, and grant us the many blessings 
promised to the children of pious parents. May 
we never set our affections inordinately upon 
each other! May we be to each other helpers 
in our course heavenward ! . . . ." 

Upon this little paper, faded and worn, yet 
carefully preserved, we find, penned by that 
mother's hand : — " This note is very precious to 
the mother of the writer. She was always a 
kind, affectionate child, and was never known 
to speak a disrespectful word to her parents in 
her life.' 7 

About two years after their marriage they 
united with the Bleecker Street Presbyterian 
Church, under the care of Eev. Erskine Mason. 
And here, although hindered frequently by 
domestic duties, she renewed her Christian acti- 
vity, exerting an extensive influence in a quiet 
way, among the young people, with whom she 
was peculiarly in sympathy. A Bible Class and 
female Prayer Meeting were commenced through 
her efforts. 



13 



In 1835, with her husband, she joined the 
number who united to form the church in Mercer 
street, under Kev. Dr. Skinner ; and in this con- 
nexion she remained until her death. 

Permitted now — as the youthful bride matures 
into the wife and mother — in fulfilment of the 
main design of this memorial, to draw the veil for 
a moment, and disclose the burden of the mo- 
ther's prayers, and to preserve a few mementoes of 
her faith, patience, and conflict, we will drop the 
name of her girlhood, and speak henceforth of 
"Our Mother. 7 ' A precious name to us, brothers 
and sisters ! A revered and saintly memory to 
the children of her prayers, who have witnessed 
her many days of suffering, her sweet submission, 
her holy triumph. 

A journal which she kept of the first ten or 
twelve years of her life after marriage having 
been accidentally lost, we have no written records 
excepting a few scattered fragments of letters. 
These, breathing a most cheerful spirit, and filled 
with expressions of gratitude to God, neverthe- 
less tell of exhausting cares, of weary days and 
sleepless nights, and of that weight of responsi- 



14 

bility which ever rests upon the head of a young 
and growing family. Her children were dedi- 
cated in baptism, in the full faith that they were 
included in God's Covenant of grace, and doubt- 
ing not that they would be brought into His 
kingdom, her prevailing desire and unvarying 
prayer was for their renewal by the Holy Spirit 
in early life. 

She writes : ? Parents are too apt to feel as if it 
were an impossibility for little children to be 
brought to Christ. Therefore their prayers are 
almost entirely that God would bless the seed 
sown by them, hoping that if their lives are 
lengthened they may see them walking in the 
ways of truth. Thus they look forward to a 
distant future for the conversion of their children, 
and scarcely breathe a desire that they may imme- 
diately become the subjects of renewing grace. 
What unbelief this evinces ! How little regard 
for God's promises to believing parents !" 

Being, as it were by nature, a "model house- 
keeper," and peculiarly conscientious in the dis- 
charge of every domestic duty, even the most 
trivial, she often made allusion to the difficulty 
with which she prevented family care monopo- 
lizing her time and energy. On the one hand, 



15 

feeling and saying that " a mother has no right 
to consider a moment of her time exclusively her 
own," — on the other hand, she writes, "I am 
distracted in my efforts to do all things decently 
and in order. I am too much like Martha, of 
old." Yet, for many years, it was her custom to 
secure a quiet hour for devotion, by rising before 
the rest of the family ; and so precious did this 
hour become that when admonished by failing 
health that she must devote the time rather to 
bodily repose, to obey the injunction was no light 
trial. 

During this period she was several times sub- 
jected to severe prostration and general debility. 
From these attacks, relief was found only by 
retiring into the quiet of the country, or occa- 
sionally in travel. It is well remembered what a 
discipline to her was the " being laid aside," and 
the necessity of "being waited upon," — and how 
beautiful her patience appeared in view of this 
constitutional dread of helplessness. 

It was perhaps a peculiarity with her that she 
distrusted her own powers of interesting children 
very much, — while her efforts were most un- 
wearying in this direction, and certainly success- 
ful, in the judgment of her own children. They 



16 

will never forget, — those who are old enough to 
be included in the statement, — how very interest- 
ing was " Mamma's Journal" of her first visit to 
Niagara. And there are tender memories of 
times when gathered around her at the sweet sun- 
set hour of the sabbath, we listened to her voice 
explaining the word of God, or in low tremulous 
tones breathing her earnest desires for every 
member of her little flock. 

In the year 1837, she was very much the in- 
valid ; her feebleness being increased by anxiety 
arising from the dangerous illness of her youngest 
child, at the same time. This season appears to 
have been one of deep experience, and she dates 
from it higher views of Christian life and respon- 
sibility. 

To her friend, Mrs. Gr , the young corre- 
spondent of former days, she writes respecting 
her views and feelings, thus : 

" Could I ever feel that I have suffered too 
much or done too much for my children, if they 
were removed from me ? I am sure I could not. 
— And this thought has lately given me comfort 
and strength, when almost worn out with fatigue 
and anxiety. Perhaps I have but just begun to 



17 

realize my responsibility as a mother. At least I 
have never before felt as of late, so much desire 
for the salvation of the souls of these immortals 
committed to my care, and so deeply convinced 
that every action of mine may tell upon their 
eternal destiny." 

11 The commencement of this New Year has 
been of deep interest to me ; the world has in a 
great measure receded from my view, and I have 
been permitted in some degree to throw off the 
chains which have bound me to time and sense. 
I long to be free from its sins and cares. Not 
that I wish for death ; sometimes I feel appre- 
hensive that I am not prepared to die ; and I 
think my little family need a mother's care ; but 
I am desirous to do every day, present duty, and 
leave the future in the hands of my Heavenly 
Father." 

The year 1840 was marked by the first of those 
protracted seasons of illness, which subsequently 
became almost periodical, and were always at- 
tended with dangerous symptoms and very great 
suffering. Only those who have been subjected 
to similar trial, can appreciate the shrinking of 
heart with which she ever afterward observed the 
premonitions of their recurrence, or the effort she 



18 



made to attain submission and fortitude. Her 
own pen shall give an idea of this illness. It 
is only necessary to add, that she was scarcely 
convalescent when an infant son was suddenly 
taken from her arms to the Saviour's bosom. u It 
was my first bereavement," she writes long after- 
ward, " and I never think of it without peculiarly 
tender emotions. Nothing brings a mother so 
near the unseen world, as the removal of a babe 
to heaven." 

The following extract is from a letter to her 
mother. 

" June, 1840. God has been pleased to lay me 
upon a bed of continued suffering and sometimes 
of extreme agony, for nearly three long months, 
but he then enabled me to feel that submissive 
and resigned spirit, for which I had vainly strug- 
gled and prayed, through all the previous winter. 
My prevailing desire and prayer has been, that 
this great affliction might be sanctified. True, I 
have longed and prayed for returning health, if 
consistent with God's holy will, but I believe I 
have been more desirous that this trial might be 
blessed to myself and my dear family, whether 
I lived or died. Indeed I often looked upon 



19 

death as perhaps not far off, and found it much 
easier in the near prospect, to think of leaving 
my dear husband and children, than it had ever 
been in the distance, knowing and realizing as I 
never did before, that God would be their God, 
faithful to them, whatever became of me. But 
my Heavenly Father saw that I was still clinging 
to the world, and another and heavier stroke has 
been added, the removal of the little one so re- 
cently given. This has been a severe, and to me 
hitherto unknown affliction. To-day, I have 
missed the little darling more than previously. 
Yet the trial has been mingled with so much of 
mercy, that I see much cause for gratitude, and 
can only say, 'The Lord gave,' and hath taken 
away His own." 

To Mrs. G. — " At one time I was not moved 
an inch for fifty hours, and lay upon my back in 
too much suffering to have my head raised even 
to turn my pillow. The agony of that day was 
more than of all my life before, and I could only 
exclaim continually, Lord, how long ! Moments 
were hours, and I felt that it would be a mercy if 
my reason could be taken from me. I was very 
much afraid lest I should be impatient under so 



20 

much suffering; but I constantly strove against 
this sin, and believe I was assisted; for my friends 
all assure me I was quite the reverse of impa- 
tient. * * * * * * I will only say in conclusion, 
that I have thought more of Heaven than ever 
before, since my little darling's departure. Very 
near it seems to me, since I am sure that a part of 
myself is there. I am fully convinced that if I 
am ever permitted to meet him there, I shall then 
know why I have been called to suffer these af- 
flictions ; until then it is sufficient to know that 
all things are ordered by the Lord." A year 
afterward she writes, " During all that season of 
sore trial, I felt myself very near the eternal 
world. I have since had more trust in God, and 
brighter hopes of salvation ; and have been led 
to cast myself more unreservedly into His hands 
at all times. 7 ' 

In February, 1841, threatened with a similar 
illness, she thus expresses herself: — 

To Mrs. G. — " How delightful it is, dear M., to 
have a God to whom to go in every emergency, 
whom we are permitted to call by the endearing 
name of Father ! One too, who is touched with 
feeling for our infirmities, and who 'doth not 



21 

willingly afflict nor grieve the children of men/ 
Sometimes I am quite overwhelmed with this re- 
flection, and really feel that f God is my refuge 
in distress.' Again will the thought, that after 
all my hopes and professions I may yet be de- 
ceived, cause me keenest pain. But at such times, 
I endeavor, if I have never done it before, to cast 
myself wholly upon the dear Kedeemer, and ap- 
ply to his peace-speaking blood alone, for salva- 
tion." 

At a later date she acknowledges with devout 
gratitude that her fears were not realized, her 
health being much improved, and another little 
son placed in her arms, as if to fill the vacancy 
she mourned. 

Among her private papers written after this 
time are manuscripts containing occasional entries 
of her experience, hopes, fears, and the like. In 
these records the heart of the Christian mother is 
revealed, with its great prevailing solicitude for 
the salvation of her children. She longed to see 
them brought early to the good shepherd, and 
desired nothing so much as that they might be 
eminently useful, if their lives were spared, in the 
church of Christ. To this end, and believing 



22 

that the training of her children for Christ was an 
honorable and blessed work entrusted largely to 
her hands, she brought to this work all that spirit 
of consecration and self-sacrifice, and that syste- 
matic perseverance which characterized her earlier 
years. Her children, with deep gratitude, render 
to her memory the tribute of their evidence that 
her entire life, precept, and example, was beautiful 
in its consistency with this darling purpose. And 
yet she often alludes touchingly to her own defi- 
ciency, and her dependence upon a higher wisdom 
and help from above. 

Notwithstanding her feeble health and engross- 
ing home-duties, she exerted herself to establish 
a Maternal Association in the Church to which 
she belonged, and was unwearying in her endea- 
vors to make the meetings interesting and profit- 
able. She believed that Christian mothers needed 
one another's prayers and sympathies, and not a 
few young mothers in the congregation recall 
affectionately her encouragements, counsels, and 
aid. Finding, from a peculiar delicacy of consti- 
tution, that sometimes when she attempted reli- 
gious conversation with her own children, her 
feelings were apt to overpower her, and pre- 
vent her saying all that she desired, she adopted 



23 

the plan of writing to them from time to time. 
Many precious little notes, calling attention to 
certain faults, or giving encouragement where it 
was needed, found their way to their hearts, while 
upon each birthday anniversary, a long and affec- 
tionate letter expressed a mother's anxieties and 
prayers. 

After sending one of these letters to a child for 
whom she cherished mingled hopes and fears, she 
writes in her journal, "Perhaps I have been in 
fault in regard to this dear child. I have so 
much feared the danger of self-deception, and 
have known so much of varying frames of feeling 
in children, that I may not have encouraged and 
urged her forward in the Divine Life as I should 
have done." 

These family anniversaries she was accustomed 
to observe with prayer and meditation, and used 
her influence to prevent their being spent in the 
frivolous amusements to which they are often 
devoted. Yet guarding against gloomy associa- 
tions, efforts were always made to mark them 
with true enjoyment, and tokens of parental 
affection were never wanting. 



24 



III. 



In the summer of 1842 the family left the city, 
earlier than had been their custom, for their sum- 
mer residence, in hope that the genial air of the 
country would restore the youngest child, who 
had been for some time drooping. And so at 
first seemed the likely result in the rounding 
cheek and the brightening eye. But God ordered 
disappointment, as well as a season of trouble. 
Several members of the family were sick at the 
same time, and very seriously ill was the husband 
and father. Amid these anxieties the little " pet 
lamb " was suddenly attacked with acute disease, 
and after three weeks of great suffering, taken 
away. This was two years after the " first be- 
reavement" — and a more bitter cup, for so much 
longer had this darling nestled in the mother's 
love. 

In her journal she writes shortly after : 

" Just one week ago this evening, at a quarter 
before eight o'clock, dear little Willie was released 
from his sufferings. At the close of the Sabbath 



25 

his spirit took its flight, to be for ever with that 
Saviour who said, ' Of such is the kingdom of 
Heaven.' " 

" Oh Lord I dedicate myself and my remain- 
ing children to Thee, renewedly and solemnly 
resolving, by thy grace strengthening me, to be 
more faithful to their souls ; and I beseech Thee, 
as Thou hast been pleased first to take the little 
ones to Thyself, to spare the others until they 
have given reason to hope that they are prepared 
to meet those who have gone before them to 
the heavenly world! Enable us, their parents, 
not only to be faithful in educating them 
for Thy service, but to take heed that we set 
them an example of piety and holiness, that they 
may see in us the image of the Saviour. Grant 
this for the sake of Jesus Christ, our Eedeemer 
and Saviour, Amen." 

A week later. 

Sabbath Evening, July 10th. 

" The twilight of the Sabbath will ever 
appear different to me since the death of dear lit- 
tle Willie. Again this evening have all the feel- 
ings of nature been aroused by contemplating the 

2 



26 

scenes of two weeks ago. I have now resolved 
to devote the hours from seven to nine o'clock on 
Sabbath evening to private devotion, when not 
attending public worship or instructing my child- 
ren. Especially will I remember my elder 
children, that they may be prepared when called 
from time into eternity." 

A long and touching letter to Mrs. Gr. tells 
the story of this summer of trial, closing 
thus: 

" Heaven indeed seems different to me since I 
have two sweet angels there, and as one tie after 
another which binds me to earth is loosened, I 
would be fitting and preparing to follow those 
loved ones, into that rest which remaineth for the 
people of God. Sometimes I regret that I did 
not enjoy my darling more while I had him, and 
again I fear that this is a chastisement sent me 
for my frequent complaints of care and fatigue. 
I little thought, when murmuring, in what man- 
ner my cares would be lessened. I am grateful 
for the mercy which took the little ones, re- 
deemed and sanctified as we believe by the blood 
of Christ, and left the older ones, thus giving them 
yet opportunity to come to Christ, and commit- 



27 

ting them longer to my care and responsibility. 
Oh dear M., let us improve the time left us to 
educate our children for God, and leave nothing 
undone, which we might wish had been done 
for them, should they or we be summoned to 
render our account." 

Just previous to returning to the city. 

"I return with solemn resolutions not to 
mingle in the gayeties of the city ; with ardent de- 
sires for the revival of religion in my own heart; 
with earnest wishes and hopes for the conversion 
of my children, and some faith that these hopes 
will be realized, that salvation will come to our 
house, and even that I may live in the midst of 
an outpouring of the Spirit of God. Lord make 
me faithful to my children! Oh let me never 
have to cast bitter reflections upon myself for 
want of faith, or want of exertion in behalf of 
their souls." 

" January 1st, 184:3 I have gone 

through some severe sorrows during the year 
just past, and what is before me in the present 
year, I know not. I would leave all things 
with God. He will order all aright. I have had 
more peace of mind of late, looking forward less 
to evil. I was much struck this evening, while 



28 

looking at the rainbow — that witness for God, 
through all ages since the flood — with the thought, 
how can I so often behold this pledge of the truth 
of Jehovah, and yet doubt any promise which 
He has made ! When He says ' my grace is 
sufficient for thee,' and 'as thy day is, so shall 
thy strength be/ I must, I will, I can, I do 
believe !" 

On the anniversary of the birth of one of her 
sons, she writes — 

" I have renewedly endeavored to dedicate him 
to God, for time and eternity, and do most ear- 
nestly desire that he may be sanctified and pre- 
pared for eminent usefulness, should his life be 
spared. Every desire I have for my children 
sinks into insignificance, beside this one, that the 
constant influences of the Holy Spirit may be 
granted to renew and sanctify them. I pray that 
I may be kept from contradicting by my conduct 
the precepts that I am daily trying to inculcate. 
May they every day take knowledge of me that 
I am walking with God. 

" I have much to be grateful for as I review 
the last two or three years, but all seems as no- 
thing to me, compared with the hope I have, that 
the Holy Spirit has condescended to visit us, and 



29 



that our first-born has passed from death unto 
life ! What an infinite blessing is this ! Oh 
may she daily grow in grace, and live near the 
cross of Christ. She has been constantly 
upon my mind, and even in the night I have 
been kept from sleep, by my intense anxiety 
upon her account. My prayer for her is, that 
she may well examine the ground of her 
hope;' ' 

To this daughter, on her next birth-day, the 
mother wrote a special letter, a portion of which 
follows. Addressing her as M the first-born," and 
therefore M holding a most important place in our 
little community," and expressing the hope that 
she will be. "an instrument of great good to her 
brothers and sisters, and a bright and shining 
light in the church of God," she proceeds to 
say: 

" Go, my beloved child, to the foot of the cross, 
and there receive the daily pardon for sin which 
you so much need, and strength to go forth 
into the world, as an example of living piety 
and holiness. Look not to older professors of 
the religion of our Lord, for an example ; but 
follow the footsteps of the blessed Saviour, who 
pleased not himself. Do not for a moment feel 



30 



because you hope you have been renewed, and 
are now admitted to full membership in the 
church of Christ, that your work is done, and 
your duty accomplished. So far from this, you 
must strive daily to lead a godly life, with as 
much earnestness as you did at first strive to en- 
ter the strait gate. Seek to be an uncommon 
Christian. Mind, I beseech you, with the most 
untiring exactness, your seasons of private devo- 
tion. Let nothing, which you would not be will- 
ing to offer as an excuse at the bar of Grod, tempt 
you to neglect the regular fulfillment of closet 
duties. The present day is one of much outward 
activity in the church of Christ, and I think there 
is danger that young Christians may forget the 
care of their own souls, while engaged in Sabbath 
schools, Bible classes, societies, and the various 
benevolent schemes of the day. I believe that the 
only way for one to live near Christ is to spend a 
portion of every day alone with God. Let the 
time be sufficient to allow the mind to be drawn 
away from the world, while the worth of the soul 
and the joys of Heaven fill it with deep solemni- 
ty. The earliest hours of the morning are pecu- 
liarly adapted to this employment. For many 
years after I first indulged hope in Christ, I was 



31 



accustomed to rise from one to two hours before 
the rest of the family, that I might thus secure a 
time free from interruption. But my failing 
health has obliged me to alter this plan, and I 
now adopt the following: — I never leave my 
room in the morning without reading a few 
verses in my Bible, and committing myself to 
the protecting care of my Heavenly Father. 
Then I embrace the first opportunity, after attend- 
ing to my various morning duties, of retiring to 
my room for as much time as duty and inclina- 
tion require. In the evening, as I have learned 
not to postpone devotion until the time for sleep 
arrives, I appropriate the hour of twilight to the 
purpose — that hour when the mind so readily 
turns heavenward. And then as I lay my head 
upon my pillow for the night, I again commit 
myself to God, and fall asleep meditating upon 
divine things." 

After this leaf from her own experience, which 
is here given that it may be a help to each of 
her children, as well as to her for whom it was 
especially designed, the letter proceeds with a 
delicacy and affection characteristic of the writer 
to touch upon certain topics relating more imme- 
diately to the every day duties of life. Among 



32 



the things upon which much stress is placed we 
notice the following — a subject too often over- 
looked entirely, or its great importance lightly 
estimated by parents : 

" Cultivate a polite, kind, and attentive man- 
ner to all about you, especially your brothers 
and sisters, and the other members of your own 
family; and never consider it lady-like or be- 
coming a Christian to treat servants or any other 
dependents, either haughtily or unkindly. On 
the contrary, seek in every way to do them good. 
Seek for an intimate friendship with your brothers 
and sisters. Thus, as in no other way, can you 
influence them for Christ." 

The letter closes thus : 

" And at some future time, should your earth- 
ly life be spared, and that of the parent who 
is writing be closed, will this not seem to you 
like the voice of a loved one speaking from the 
house appointed for all the living, and urging 
you to prepare by a life of usefulness and holi- 
ness, for the hour of death, and a happy entrance 
to the joys of the eternal world. That you, my 
dear M., with all the members of our beloved 
family, may be prepared to follow those of our 
number who have entered that rest which remain- 



33 



eth for the people of God, and that there we may 
unite in praising the wonders of redeeming love, 
through ceaseless ages, is the prayer of your ever 
affectionate Mothek." 

Sainted mother! Shall not thy prayer be an- 
swered ! 



2* 



34 



IV. 



After the return to the city from the Summer 
residence, in the fall of 1843, the shadow of ano- 
ther approaching sorrow darkened the family 
circle. 

The second daughter had just completed her 
thirteenth year, alike lovely in person and cha- 
racter, and then, a delicate flower, began to droop 
and fade. The following February, the 29th, she 
suddenly died. So sudden was the removal, in- 
deed, that there had been very little opportunity 
for conversation with her in regard to her coming 
change, such as a parent would naturally desire 
to have. And, at first, the mother was unable to 
realize the full and satisfactory hope in her be- 
half which she had anticipated. But ere long 
the true ground of consolation was firm beneath 
her feet — God's glorious covenant. And subse- 
quent testimonies from the young friends and 
schoolmates of the departed, gave pleasing evi- 
dence that Divine grace had been manifested in 
her experience, and illustrated sweetly in all her 
behavior elsewhere as at home. 



35 

The mother thus reviews this painful experi- 
ence in her journal : 

" At first the shock was too much for my poor 
feeble frame. I feared that I should sink under 
it. As the spirit so suddenly passed from time 
into eternity, I could only beseech the Saviour to 
receive it to Himself, and then exclaim, ' Be still, 
and know that I am God V Upon more mature 
reflection, and recalling many circumstances, I am 
convinced that my grounds for hope are far more 
numerous than I at first supposed. I know that 
God is not only a prayer-hearing God, but a 
covenant-keeping Jehovah ! My dear child was, 
I fully believe, included in that covenant which 
has been established with our family during past 
generations, as far back as we have any know- 
ledge. Can I believe that He will cast off the 
children of His own covenant ! Dear Fanny was 
given to God in her infancy, and we have never 
had one desire to recall the gift. Upon the day 
previous to her death, she told me that she was 
engaged in thinking upon many precious passages 
of scripture, as ' The Lord is my Shepherd,' etc. 
About one year since she expressed a hope that 
she had given her heart to her Saviour, and from 
that time her life has been as consistent as that 



36 • 

of any mature Christian. Her patience and 
submission during her illness have been re- 
markable. Her last words were in answer to 
my questions, "Do you know who is speaking 
to you?" and "Can you commit your soul to your 
Saviour?" to each of which she replied distinctly, 
"Yes, mamma." As she appeared to be in per- 
fect possession of all her faculties, I am convinced 
that she was supported by a peace which she 
was unable to communicate. I can but hope that 
Jesus Christ, who is such a merciful and faithful 
High Priest, did sanctify and save this soul by the 
merits of His own precious blood, and I would 
not look for peace or comfort in any thing else 
but this. To Him would I commit all my anxi- 
ety and care for my dear departed one, convinced 
that He will do all things well. Oh, may these 
repeated bitter cups, which we have been called 
upon to drink, be sanctified to us." 

This bereavement was followed by a severe 
illness. For five months our mother was helpless, 
suffering much pain, but always entirely patient 
and submissive. She writes in her journal, May 
5th, 1844. 

" Sabbath. — How various and continued are 



37 

the Providences of God, and how well fitted to 
lead us to repentance and humiliation. I have 
been thinking much lately of God's word by His 
prophet Isaiah, to His backsliding children of 
Israel. ■ Why should ye be stricken any more ? ye 
will revolt more and more V Perhaps God has 
seen in me this spirit of revolt ! Then I ought to 
see His kindness in not leaving me, but chastening 
me more and more as He sees I require it. May 
I be cheerful and patient under this new trial ! 
Yet, sometimes apprehending that I may be help- 
less for life and become a burden to my friends, 
I find the reflection almost insupportable, and 
am greatly depressed with it. But I trust the 
struggle is over, and I believe I am now willing 
that whatever God sees best shall come to pass, if 
I may only glorify God under pain and suffering." 

"May 12th, Sabbath.— The past has been to 
me a week of suffering. Some days I have been 
quite unfitted for the duties necessarily devolving 
upon me, and every effort has been attended 
with pain. 

" Oh, how these frail tenements rack, and shake, 
and almost fall in ruin, when God lays his hand 
heavily upon them. To-day I feel a little better, 



38 

and thus far it has been a pleasant Sabbath to me. 
I had more comfort and freedom in instructing 
my children and praying with them, and more 
tenderness and deep feeling in private devotion. 
I have prayed and struggled much the past week 
to gain a submissive spirit, under the chastening 
hand of God, and I believe that I can bear 
what I now suffer, involving as it does, separa- 
tion from the social enjoyments of life. But I 
fear I do not submit perfectly to the prospect of 
constant detention from the house of God. 
Sometimes when reflecting upon the struggle of 
the dying hour, and fearing that I may faint and 
waver, I have been assured that if I am a child 
of God He will give me dying grace, and strength 
when I need it, and now I long to have the same 
confidence and trust with regard to the result of 
my present illness. Why should I not believe 
that God will enable me to bear whatever He 
shall see fit to send upon me? I have always 
found 'that as my day so has my strength 
been,' and I long to feel a perfect faith in this 
promise." 

Upon the next page we find the following sug- 
gestion in regard to the instruction of children in 
the nature of prayer : 



" This afternoon I instructed the childen upon 
the design and nature of the Lord's prayer, and 
permitted them to select texts of Scripture, appro- 
priate to the different parts of it, Adoration, Peti- 
tion, and Doxology, and I wrote them down for 
them to learn in future. I was pleased with their 
deep interest and attention, and think they must 
have selected at least a hundred appropriate 
texts without assistance. I thought this would 
be a good way to teach them how to pray with 
propriety, and I wish they would learn to intro- 
duce these passages of Scripture into their prayers 
and thus overcome the disposition to sameness 
and formality to which children are so prone." 

Passing over a year or two, during which she 
was twice brought to the verge of death, we notice 
in her journal, her earnest consecration of a new- 
born daughter who remained the youngest. 

When this little one was about a month old, 
she was very ill, and it was supposed in a dying 
state. The circle of brothers and sisters gathered 
around the cradle to witness the solemn dedica- 
tion in baptism, of the spirit so soon apparently 
to be returned to God. The scene was peculiarly 
touching to the parents, by reason of the coinci- 



40 

dence that it was the anniversary of the bap- 
tism and death of the first child taken away. 
God was better than our fears, and the frail life 
was spared. The mother writes a week after- 
wards : " I pray that we may realize that she 
has been as it were returned to us from the 
grave, and may we consecrate her to the service 
of God, and give ourselves more than ever to 
the work of bringing up our children in the 
nurture and admonition of the Lord. And now, 
that so many of them are to be separated from 
us, for a season, will the Lord watch over them 
for good !" 

In July of this year, writing from the sea-shore 
to her friend Mrs. G., she says : " I am convinced 
whenever I reflect upon the many seasons of 
suffering through which I have passed, that my 
constitution is so undermined I must not expect 
to live many years. Oh my friend, pray, that 
whether my years are few or many, they may be 
devoted to the service of God, and that I may be 
at all times prepared and fitted for His holy will 
and pleasure concerning me, and especially that I 
may be ready should it be His will to call me 
suddenly from time into eternity. How vain and 
utterly contemptible do all the pursuits of this 



41 

life appear, when one is laid low upon a bed of 
sickness, not knowing but it may prove a bed of 
death ; or again, when hanging with anxious 
heart over the couch of a beloved dying child ! 
Let us, dear M., quicken our zeal, and renew our 
efforts on behalf of these dear children, lest they 
should suddenly be taken from us without pre- 
paration for another world." 

The year 1846 opened with a severe affliction. 
A beloved sister, after a short illness, was called 
away from earth. She writes, January 18th : 
" Already has this New Year proved an eventful 
season to me, and one long to be remembered 
and improved. God has been pleased for the 
first time to permit Death to invade my beloved 
circle of brothers and sisters, and call dear S. to 
nobler service above. How solemn and affecting 
have been the scenes through which I have 
passed ! While watching by her bed, new 
thoughts and feelings have been awakened in my 
mind. . . What but faith in the Redeemer, and a 
glorious hope of a blessed immortality, could 
inspire the sweet peace and holy calm diffused 
through the soul of this departed loved one. . . . 
My Heavenly Father has afflicted me deeply, and 
long shall I mourn the loss of so dear a sister, 



42 

one whose example and conduct were always 
heavenly, and who had ever an affectionate 
sympathy for all in trouble. She has always 
proved my solace and comforter when illness or 
affliction has been in family, and long shall I 
miss her words of sweet counsel and admonition. 
May these repeated chastisements wean me more 
and more from the world, and be so sanctified to 
me as to prepare me to go, should I be the one 
next called from the family circle. My own 
health is very precarious, and I feel that God may 
soon take me from my cares and interests below ; 
I desire to be ' setting my house in order,' that 
I may be ready for the call of the Son of Man. 
My constitution is so much weakened by repeated 
illness, that scenes such as I have just passed 
through greatly affect my physical system. I 
feel now that I am seriously threatened with 
another severe sickness. May I be entirely 
prepared for God's holy will concerning me, 
whether life, or death, or protracted suffering 
and inability to be useful to my family. This 
last I dread far more than bodily suffering. Oh, 
for entire submission to the will of God !" 

These anticipations were prophetic. Another 
long and most painful illness confined her to her 



43 

room, for two months. Partially recovered, and 
reflecting upon the sufferings of the winter, and 
their tendency to produce distressing forebodings, 
she writes in her journal : 

M April 12th. — May I cultivate a disposition 
to look upon the bright side of earth's pic- 
tures. Oh, for strength to glorify my Father 
in Heaven under the daily crosses of life ! 

Oh, for daily sanctification ! 

I have been all the week anticipating that I might 
enter again to-day the house of the Lord, and 
unite with His people in celebrating the dying 
love of the Redeemer ; but I am providentially 
detained. If my heart be touched with a sense 
of the great sacrifice of the Son of God, and 
melted with gratitude that I am permitted to hope 
for an interest therein, then will the day prove to 
me a profitable one, though spent in the quiet of 
my own room, with none but God near me." 



44 



V. 



In the spring of 1847, our mother was again 
attacked with most dangerous symptoms, which 
immediately prostrated her feeble frame, and 
many weeks of suffering followed. Upon her 
restoration, we find no murmuring words, but 
the following grateful acknowledgment of mer- 
cy, written while sojourning at a sea-side retreat. 
June 27th. — I this day call upon my soul 
to bless and praise the name of the Lord for 
His kindness to me an unworthy worm of 
the dust. In His wise Providence He has 
seen fit to afflict me with severe and painful ill- 
ness for ten long weeks, most of which time I 
could not lie down, but, in an upright posture, 
supported by pillows, was obliged to pass the 
days and nights of suffering. Twice He has 
apparently brought me to the gates of death and 
caused me to look upon the scenes of Eternity as 
indeed very near. I felt myself to be really 
passing through the dark valley, and the dis- 
tressed friends around me thought two or three 
times that the spirit had fled. I could not speak. 



45 

Yet, in both instances, I was perfectly conscious 
of all that was passing around me. The entire 
calmness of mind which possessed me was sur- 
prising to myself. Christ was my only hope. I 
did not dare to look upon my past life, knowing 
it to be so unworthy a child of God, but I felt 
assured that the blood of Christ cleanseth from all 
sin, and I think I did cast myself unreservedly 
upon his merits, and only prayed, L Lord Jesus, 
receive my spirit.' An entire resignation to the 
will of God appeared to prevail, whatever that 
will might prove to be ; and I felt willing then to 
leave my large family of little ones to the care of 
our Heavenly Parent, believing that He would 
order everything concerning them in the best pos- 
sible manner. When the immediately alarming 
symptoms had passed, and my physician still 
assured me that he did not think I could live 
many hours, I found myself still satisfied that 
my Heavenly Father would do with me only 
right, and I felt desirous to be entirely passive in 
His hands. If He had more duty in this world for 
me to perform, I thought He could raise me from 
the borders of the grave; but if my work on 
earth was accomplished, I felt willing to depart 
and be for ever with the Lord. For a short time 



46 



I recollect having a great desire to be assured 
that all the dear members of my family would 
meet me in Heaven; but soon all anxiety was 
absorbed in the one thought that I was unworthy 
so great a privilege, but Christ was infinitely 
worthy. 

" I longed to say much to those around me, and 
thought of much which I cannot now recollect, 
but my voice was gone. God has been pleased, 
I trust in mercy, to raise me up, and in a 
remarkable manner rapidly renew my strength, 
although I am still comparatively feeble, and now 
I am every day inclined to inquire, why is this ? 
Surely Grod has been so gracious for some wise 
purpose, and my earnest prayer is, that this 
solemn experience may be sanctified and never 
forgotten; and that my Heavenly Father will 
show me what work He desires me to do, and 
will give me grace and strength to perform it." 

The illness thus alluded to was in all respects 
the most painful and alarming she had ever been 
called upon to pass through. For eight weeks 
she was unable to lie down, and the extremity of 
weakness to which she was reduced gave evidence 
of the pain she had endured. We shall never 
forget the touching expression of patient, gentle 



47 

submission, which that pale face and those wan 
features ever bore. Once when the tears flowed 
unbidden from the eyes of a daughter, who 
found it almost impossible to witness such suffer- 
ings, she cast a glance of sympathy upon her, 
and said, " Don't be distressed, you will know at 
some future time, that it is all right." But no 
murmur escaped her lips. 

With the hope of averting a threatened return 
of her difficulties after a longer intermission than 
usual, the waters of Sharon were tried again in the 
summer of 1848. She returned to the city much 
benefited thereby. The remainder of the family 
being still absent, she writes thus in her journal: 

"I have just spent a long season in prayer for 
them, praying especially, if we are all permitted 
to meet again in our winter's residence, that it 
may prove the spiritual birth-place of some of my 
loved ones. Oh ! that the coming winter might 
be one of great power and glory in our church ! 
I feel much for the. many youth and children 
among us ! Oh ! that the blessed Spirit's influ- 
ence might follow the labors of our pastor, and 
result in the conversion of numbers of these ! 
Let a refreshing from thy presence, Lord, come 
upon us !" 



48 



The prayer was not unanswered. In Decem- 
ber of the same year we find this entry : 

"I have felt unusually solemn to-day, and 
have been deeply impressed with the interesting 
circumstances in which as a family we are now 
situated. Three of our dear children are about 
to take upon themselves the vows of God and 
profess their faith in the Eedeemer. Oh, that 
they may be led to do this, understanding the 
great obligations they are to acknowledge, and 
with a realizing sense of the solemnity of the 
transaction! Oh Lord, let them not be de- 
ceived ! May they be bright and shining lights 
in thy church ! Especially I pray that my sons 
may have a self-sacrificing spirit, and be prepared 
for great usefulness in the cause of Christ." 

Later in the same month we find : 

"A sweet Sabbath this has been ! Thanks and 
praise would I offer to my Heavenly Father for 
the health and strength I have had to visit the 
house of prayer twice, and for the pleasant hours 
alone at home ! This evening has been devoted 
to the instruction of the little ones, and to prayer 
for those older who have gone to the house of 
God. I have been pleading earnestly with God 
that He would prepare them by a baptism from 



49 

on high to be useful in His vineyard. I long to 
see in all who now profess to be disciples of 
Christ a spirit of devotion to His cause." 

About this time again disease prostrated the 
feeble frame, and though its violence was soon 
checked, she was a close prisoner to her room 
and her chair for the remainder of the winter. 
Yet thus gratefully she refers to a season which 
to so many would have been most irksome : 

"How full is my heart of gratitude for the 
mercies bestowed upon one so unworthy! I 
have lived upon the promises of God, and some- 
times, as was the case last night, when unable to 
appropriate to myself any special promise, I have 
dwelt upon the word ' irusV I have thus been 
enabled to commit everything to my Saviour, 
and have suffered but little anxiety as to the 
result of this illness. " 

Previous to this extract, and dated the last day 
of the year 1848, are expressions of hope and 
thankfulness regarding her dear ones, who, she 
believed, had been given to her prayers, which 
close as follows : 

"And now shall I say, ' Lord, now lettest thou 
thy servant depart in peace, for mine eyes have 
been permitted to see the salvation so long de- 

3 



50 



sired and looked for ? ' I cannot say this while 
there are still little ones needing a mother's care 
and prayers. But I will ask of God that I may 
be permitted to bring them up for Him, if it be 
His will to spare my life. At all events I desire 
to know no will but His, confident that if I am 
removed from them, He will care for their souls 
included in His covenant with their parents, and 
thus hoping, trusting, believing, I pass this last 
day of the year and enter upon another, not 
knowing the things which will befall me therein. 
Only this I know, that God will glorify Himself, 
and I trust will be glorified in me." 

With the opening spring came partial conva- 
lescence, and it was improved by a short visit to 
the country. She writes from a little village to 
Mrs. G. : 

" How impressive is the passing-bell during 
the funeral hour ! It is tolling now. We sel- 
dom hear it in the city, but I love its solemn 
sound. It arrests the attention of the thought- 
less and giddy crowd, and must turn their minds 
to the reflection that it will soon toll for them. 
Surely it must induce thoughts of Death, Judg- 
ment, and Eternity. I recollect when I was a 
child, and residing in the country, I could never 



51 



forbear weeping when I heard the knell. How 
strangely all the busy routine of life, and death, 
are mingled and pass along side by side in the 
crowded city. But here in the country it is dif- 
ferent. A death is a great event, and is noted 
with deep interest." 

In the same letter, alluding to the field of active 
labor to which her friend of early days had been 
called, and the contrast in her own life of so 
much helpless suffering, she adds : 

" But our Father knows for what we are fitted, 
and perhaps I have been enabled to accomplish 
a little, in teaching a spirit of submission under 
suffering to those over whom I have had influ- 
ence — causing them to feel that true resignation 
and patience must be earnestly sought, and will 
only be received in entire dependence upon 
strength from above. Yet I am so often faith- 
less and distrustful that I fear my children will 
learn but few lessons of trust and humble faith 
from me, while I am conscious that I could never 
have endured what I have endured, had my 
dependence been upon an arm of flesh. ' In the 
Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength,' has been 
my motto during the past winter, and I have 
sometimes felt that I could do and suffer much 



r>2 



while the { everlasting arms' were underneath 
me." 

Paring a season of excitement, when about 
the city homes moved the pestilence that walketh 
in darkness, she writes : 

kk What time I am afraid I will trust in Thee. 
Thus have I longed to feel for two months past. 
While I know that my trust is only in God, I 
am often agitated at the thought of the nearness 
of the destroying angel. " 

From a lovely summer retreat the mother's 
ever-anxious heart thus expresses itself: 

"JULY 8th. My dear children being all sepa- 
rated from me excepting the youngest two, I 
thank much of them as each returning Sabbath 
recalls the many^pleasant ones we have passed 
together, I have just been naming them all at 
the Throne of Grace, and have asked that wher- 
ever they are thev may keep this Sabbath day 
holy.-' 

A little later, just after the marriage of her 
eldest daughter, the following entry occurs : 

11 November 18th, 1849. The past week has 
been one of eventful importance to me and mine. 
A first separation from the parental roof! How 
much meaning is there in the words ! What 



53 



changes must now occur in the life of my darling 
child ! Selfishness comes up and urges its claims, 
How am I to get along during the winter of pos- 
sibly long confinement without my M. to read to 
me and to cheer my lonely hours ? But the child 
so many years since dedicated to God's service, 
must not now be withheld. If she is only fitted 
for the Master's vineyard, I will rejoice that she 
is permitted to labor therein. 

" Continually will we bear the beloved ones 
who have just left us, upon our hearts before 
God — praying that He will make them eminently 
useful in His cause, and crown with blessings the 
act of consecration the past week has witnessed." 

Early in the year 1850 commenced another 
serious illness, from which the approach of sum- 
mer brought the first relief. Scenes of patient 
suffering, of meek endurance, in a spirit ever 
resigned and unquestioning, were again renewed. 
So often and so long-continued had been these 
assaults of an enemy scarce ever slumbering, it 
seemed that each must be the last. But her elas- 
tic constitution rose again and again from the 
shocks, though each time evidently weakened. 
In review, she remarks, June 2nd, 1850 : — 
11 Here am I permitted with joy and gratitude 



54 

to say, ' Hitherto hath the Lord helped me ! 7 
Four months since I was longing for complete 
submission to my Father's will, yet fearing to 
enter the dark cloud I saw too plainly before 
me. Now can I say, He has been better to me 
than my fears! I have been abundantly sup- 
ported, even when suffering from alarming symp- 
toms. My mind has been peaceful, nor has a 
shadow of doubt of my acceptance through a 
Saviour's merits been permitted to disturb my 
repose. A kind hand has been constantly ex- 
tended for my support, and I have found it 
delightful to trust, and to lean, and to bow to the 
yoke. It has not all seemed like chastening, but 
rather like the parent's leading-strings placed 
upon the feeble one scarcely able to go alone." 

In August, to Mrs. G. : — " Another anniversary 
of my birth, and of the birth of my first-born close 
at hand ! And fast following these comes winter 
staring me in the face ! Is this strange language? 
But have I not cause to dread that season? 
Yearly it brings hours of intensest pain and suf- 
fering ; and were it not that my mind is then 
more at rest, and spiritual affections are deeper 
from living so constantly upon trust, I should be 
sad indeed, as cold weather advances. But so it 



55 

is. In the winter I live from day to day upon 
the promises, and they are sweet and comforting 
to a degree that I cannot express. In the sum- 
mer I live some of the time upon hope, and then 
again I am fearful and discouraged. This year, 
however, I have been more than usually hopeful 
and cheerful." 

While thus the pen of our beloved one in an 
occasional expression hints at the shrinking and 
dread with which she looked forward to her fre- 
quently returning trial, she rarely gave any inti- 
mation of the matter to her family or friends in 
conversation. These were not troubled with her 
sad thoughts and bitter conflicts, but could only 
suspect them, while the sweet smile and cheerful 
word greeted the eye and ear. Indeed her cham- 
ber was never a gloomy place, but one where we 
loved to meet, and whither more than one sorrow- 
stricken spirit was wont to go for sympathy and 
aid. Many a letter of tender commiseration too 
found its way thence, penned by her feeble hand, 
to bear messages of comfort and encouragement 
to the sick and the afflicted. 

On her birth-day, Sept. 1st, we find in her jour- 
nal: — "I feel with an intensity that I cannot 
express that the Lord is a covenant-keeping God. 



56 

I believe that He has accepted my dear children. I 
have consecrated each one of them to Him many 
times before birth, and every day I renew the 
consecration, praying that as each arrives at ma- 
turity the dedication may become a personal one. 
God grant that they all may live to His glory ! 
This is my only desire for them. Dear Father, 
help me to say from the heart, L Thy will be done J 
in me and mine ! " 

The winter of 1850 and '51 passed more com- 
fortably than the previous one. She records it 
with gratitude in her Journal, March, 1851 : " The 
winter has passed, and I have been spared a long 
attack of illness ! Constant warnings have kept 
me watchful, and I hope trustful. How much 
better is my Heavenly Father to me than my 
fears ! How ashamed I am of my ingratitude I 
I pray that I may be more faithful as a wife and 
mother, and more careful of my influence over 
my family. My mind often dwells with deep in- 
terest upon those members of my household whose 
consciences I seem unable to reach, educated as 
they are to trust blindly to their religious guides, 
and convinced that all others are in fatal error." 

Not long after this her nervous system received 
a shock by a railway accident. The car in which 



57 

she was seated was thrown down an embankment 
and broken to pieces. Though none were killed, 
and her own injuries were not severe, the excite- 
ment was very great, and the escape almost 
miraculous. But, in consequence of this, travel- 
ling on railways was ever afterward attended 
with more pain than pleasure to her ; and so ear- 
nestly did she deprecate it that she was frequently 
deprived of the benefit of change of air and scene 
which had before always been most grateful. 

In her " Birth-day Reflections" this year, she 
mentions the peculiarly interesting circumstances 
in which some of her children were placed, upon 
the threshold of the home, just stepping into the 
active scenes of life. Of one she says, " May she 
realize that every little cross is a part of the neces- 
sary discipline of life ! My prayer for her is, that 
she may be more and more weaned from the world 
and engaged with her whole soul in the glorious 
work in which she seems so much interested." 
Of her elder son: "My heart should be full of 
thankfulness at the desire he expresses to devote 
himself to the holy work of the ministry. May 
he feel with the apostle, ' Wo is me if I preach 
not the gospel!' '* * * As I write, all my chil- 
dren in turn come up before me, and I feel that 

3* 



58 

each, has peculiar difficulties and interests for me 
to remember at the throne of grace. But the most 
prominent of all my desires for them is that ■ Holi- 
ness to the Lord' may be inscribed upon them, 
and that each may have a self-sacrificing spirit ; 
and that all the good gifts, the talents, and the 
worldly substance of this whole family may be 
given to the cause of Christ." 

The succeeding winter was passed in compara- 
tive comfort, and very touching appear to us the 
constant outgushings of grateful praise which we 
find in all her writings of this period. To her it 
seemed a peculiarly gracious Providence which 
preserved her from her usual suffering, that she 
might be permitted to soothe and comfort the last 
hours of her revered father. In her journal we 
find the father's parting benediction : 

" ' My children, I cannot say much. The Lord 
bless you and cause His face to shine upon you, 
and keep you from the evil of this world, and 
bring you into His heavenly kingdom, through 
Jesus Christ our Lord ! Amen !' " 

The journal continues: 

"In just a week one who stood at that bed- 
side in robust health was suddenly summoned, 
without a moment's warning, from earth to 



59 

heaven ! How many fall as sudden, not as 
safe !" 

Many years before, when a young girl, our 
mother had been an inmate of the family of this 
lamented brother-in-law,* and she felt keenly the 
shock of his sudden removal, following so closely 
upon the death of her father. She writes : 

" I have sympathized deeply with those mem- 
bers of our dear family circle to whom this pain- 
ful stroke most nearly comes home, and my pray- 
ers have ascended for them, that their afflictions 
may be sanctified to them." 

* Mr. Joseph C. Huntington, the husband of her eldest 
sister. 



60 



VI. 



In the month of May, 1852, her husband in- 
formed her that business required him to visit 
Europe, and invited her to accompany him, with 
the hope that the voyage might be of service to 
her. In connection with this event we find the 
following entry in her journal: 

" I am quite excited in view of my unexpected 
determination to cross the Atlantic and spend the 
summer abroad. This decision has not been 
made without much prayer, and earnest desire 
to know and do exactly what is right. I have 
suffered much in anticipation from my dread of 
the ocean, and also from the thought of leaving 
so many dear ones behind. I do not think that 
expectation of pleasure has affected me at all. 
The hope that my health may be confirmed, 
making me able to attend to the various duties 
of a wife and a mother, induces me to accompany 
my husband.'' 

Few can appreciate the trembling with which 



61 



she stepped on board the steamer, for few are so 
constitutionally timid, and so unnerved by long 
years of suffering. But as is the case with 
many who can scarcely bear the apprehension 
of trouble, she was remarkable for calmness and 
presence of mind, when actually brought face to 
face with the things she most feared; and so, 
notwithstanding her timidity, she found much 
pleasure in the voyage. It was early in June 
that she sailed for Liverpool, and the next four 
months were passed in travelling, accompanied by 
her husband and one of her sons, through Great 
Britain and on the continent. Enabled to bear 
fatigue better than her friends had dared to hope, 
her spirits rose as her health improved, and she 
entered upon these scenes of excitement and 
pleasure with an enthusiasm quite surprising to 
herself. Although, while travelling, frequently 
deprived of her usual rest, she never failed 
to command the time requisite for the weekly 
journal which she knew to be such a treat 
to her children. This journal seldom consisted 
of less than twelve closely written pages, and 
frequently it contained more nearly twice that 
number. An extract or two from these letters 
and her private note-book, is all we can give 



62 

consistently with the plan of this sketch. She 
writes in her first letter — 

"As the scenes we shall visit have been de- 
scribed hundreds of times, I shall not expect to 
go into minute details, but shall only endeavor 
to let you know what we have seen, and the im- 
pressions made upon my own mind." 

Hackneyed indeed her subjects were, but she 
continued to throw so much of her own heart 
into everything which interested her, that her 
letters were peculiarly attractive to all who heard 
them. We find, in glancing over them, that true 
to her native instincts she was more absorbed in 
the wonders of nature than in the triumphs of 
art — more interested in institutions of benevo- 
lence than in those of industry and skill, and 
more fascinated with the study of human nature 
in the various phases of life, and the habits and 
customs of the common people, than in the splen- 
did palaces and great estates of the high-born. 
In one of her first letters, several pages are de- 
voted to affectionate mention of the kind friends 
whose hospitality the travellers enjoyed, and de- 
scriptions of the insight she obtained into the 
English home. From London she writes : 

"Keally in London ! I could not doubt it, as 



63 



we entered the city last evening and drove two 
miles through the brilliantly illuminated, densely 
crowded streets." 

In Paris she expresses herself as feeling for the 
first time a " stranger in a strange land." She 
writes, on her first Sabbath evening there — 

" Several weeks have now elapsed since I bade 
my loved ones farewell, and they have been 
weeks of great interest. And now we are pass- 
ing this lovely Sabbath quietly in this great, gay, 
and wicked city. * * * I fear much that in 
this land of Sabbath-breaking, we may be tempt- 
ed to forget our vows to God and our obligations 
to Him. May we realize that we do often exert 
an influence upon those around us, when we are 
least aware of it. All day the principal streets 
have been crowded to over-flowing by people 
who have no regard for the Sabbath. My heart 
aches at this total disregard of God's laws in a 
nominally Christian land. Lord, send out 
Thy light and Thy truth, and guide these souls 
to the cross of Christ, and to faith in His atoning 
blood." 

From Paris to Turin, Italy, she enjoyed the 
opportunity of watching the rural population, 
whose dress and customs she describes with 



64 

much vivacity. In Turin two or three weeks 
were passed in company with a sister then resid- 
ing there. Upon every recurring Sabbath, while 
in continental Europe, she commits to her pri- 
vate note-book reflections similar to those in 
Paris, showing how her heart was pained at the 
disregard of the holy day. She writes : " July 
18th ; — I confess myself pained and hurt at 
the conduct of many professors of religion 
whom I meet. Even Christian ministers allow 
themselves here to do many things which they 
would not do at home. I am sure that they 
cannot reconcile such acts with their vows to 
God, and the duty they owe to those around 
them to let their light so shine that they may glo- 
rify their Master. I fear that there is danger of 
my showing a spirit of indignation at this breach 
of Christian contract. I pray that I may exhibit 
a truly Christian temper, and also that I may not 
give way to temptation and sacrifice principle. I 
am resolved, in God's strength, that I will as rigidly 
keep the Sabbath as I would at home. Neither 
will I visit places of amusement which I would not 
visit at home. I know that I shall be regarded 
as subject to merely conventional rules, but my 
conscience is upon my side ; and when I read in 



65 



God's word, 'Be ye not conformed to the world/ 
and ' Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy/ 
I dare not do anything which will in the least 
conflict with the spirit of these two commands. 
How much my heart yearns over the young sent 
to this continent by parents professing to seek 
first for them the kingdom of God ! How little 
these parents think of the temptations which be- 
set them on every side, and which, without the 
grace of God to counteract the evil, will surely 
make shipwreck of their souls. I am very glad 
that I have been permitted to come hither, for 
now I know, as I could not otherwise, to what a 
child of mine would be exposed if ever situated 
here. I hope it will never be ordained that any 
of my little flock will be sent away from the fold 
to wander upon these dark mountains unless pro- 
tected by the most undoubted Christian princi- 
ple." 

On a Sabbath in Turin : — " Attended service 
this morning at the Protestant chapel, and although 
I could not perfectly understand the language in 
which the service was conducted, I was so touched 
by the Christian simplicity and sincerity of all 
I witnessed, that I longed for a quiet corner 
where I could give way to my feelings, for, in 



66 

spite of all my efforts, the tears would start. The 
singing, which was congregational, was very so- 
lemn, and appeared to be thoroughly from the 
heart. I was deeply touched by the fact, that 
God has preserved here a seed to serve Him, where 
all else are apparently the worshippers of Baal. 
This is one of the few Waldensian churches left 
in this valley of Piedmont. They are very poor, 
being, with few exceptions, from the humbler 
classes. There can be no doubt that God will 
support and sustain them, as He has already 
through ages of trial and persecution. Since my 
return I have been reading a history of their suf- 
ferings. Only by aid from above could they have 
endured such fiery trials. Surely they should 
have the sympathy and aid of churches in Ame- 
rica. To-day I have realized with more than 
usual assurance that Christ is mine. I have been 
sure that without Christ all the wealth and honors 
of the world are a vain show, and ' Jesus only ' 
is better than all without his presence." 

Thus did these scenes, so often dissipating to 
religious enjoyment, serve only in her case to cause 
the flame of devotion to burn the brighter. Often 
will God's own child, longing to keep near Him, 
find that every thing can be made subservient 



67 



to growth in grace. The short time spent in 
Switzerland was greatly enjoyed, and her letters 
are fall of the effect produced upon her mind by 
the first view of those grand " temples not made 
with hands," where His presence is realized at 
every step. In Chamouni she sketches the pano- 
rama from the window of her room, and says : 
"In fact I am so enraptured with all I see, that I 
scarcely know how to write." Again : " Our hearts 
and our eyes lingered long over our last view of 
Mont Blanc. Gloomily he reared his hoary head, 
amid the partial darkness of a star-lit night." In 
Geneva, on the Sabbath, she writes: "The 
service is more like that at home than any thing 
I have attended since I left America, and how 
thankful I shall be when I am again permitted 
to spend a Sabbath in my own dear native 
land." 

Perhaps she enjoyed none of her travels more 
than those in Scotland. As the traditionary home 
of her ancestors, this land of romantic story and 
song had from childhood possessed great charms 
for her, especially hallowed as it is by so many 
sacred memories of the "times which tried men's 
souls." 

On the fifth of October she embarked upon her 



68 

return voyage. Her diary reveals the dread with, 
which she again encountered the perils of the sea. 
On the Sabbath previous to sailing she writes: 
"■I have tried almost in vain to be calm in view 
of it, and have brought to bear upon my mind 
everything I could think of respecting God's 
almighty power and abundant mercy, and have 
been deeply distressed in view of my lack of faith 
and trust. It is surely strange that after such 
continual experience of the goodness of God, I 
am so prone to faithlessness, so given to antici- 
pating evil. I have found much enjoyment in 
the house of God to-day. We attended the 
Communion service in Dr. Baffle's church, and 
it was truly delightful to unite again with the 
people of Christ in celebrating the dying love of 
our blessed Saviour. Since my return I have felt 
more composed, and more willing to cast all my 
fears at the feet of Jesus, and trust Him for the 
future." In prospect of leaving her son in Europe 
to pursue his education, she adds : " Duty appears 
plain, and I am trying to acquiesce. I hope much 
from his firm religious principle, yet I know that 
the temptations surrounding him will be very 
great, and that only the Almighty arm can pre- 
serve him. Oh, Lord, save him from the snares 



69 

which will beset him, and fit him for Thy hea- 
venly kingdom." 

The voyage so dreaded was safely and hap- 
pily accomplished, though the weather proved 
more boisterous than upon the former passage. 
On the second Sabbath after her return (Oct. 
31st) her journal gratefully recognises the hand 
of God in the happy re-union. Again she 
refers to the pain she experienced while abroad 
in view of the constant desecration of the Sab- 
bath. She says: "It maybe that a long resi- 
dence under the influence of a total disregard 
of the fourth commandment might cause me to 
swerve from my fixed principles upon this point ; 
but a short sojourn has only increased my 
love for God's holy day, and my earnest desire 
that none of my children may ever reside in a 
foreign land. * * * Now that I am again settled 
in my own loved home, I desire to devote myself 
anew to the service of my Kedeemer. Oh for a 
spirit of true, deep, and entire consecration to 
Christ!" 

For some time after her return it seemed that 
our anticipations were to be realized, in a decided 
improvement of her health. She writes in March, 
1853, "The winter has now passed, and as 



70 



spring has opened with genial weather, I begin 
to have great hope that I may be spared any 
long illness this year. I am at times over- 
whelmed with gratitude that I have been per- 
mitted to spend two successive winters without 
a long confinement from ill health. This en- 
courages me to trust that my constitution has 
passed through some change which may prove 
of permanent benefit." Alas! disappointment 
succeeded these hopes. 

June 4th : " After perusing the last sentences 
written in my journal, nearly three months since, 
I am more than ever convinced how little such a 
short-sighted creature as I am, can judge of the 
future. The very next day after writing those 
words of hope, I was too ill to attend to any 
family duties, and before the end of the week I 
was entirely helpless, and suffering most severely. 
I have now been gaining slowly for a few weeks, 
but it must be some time before I am able to 
move about with any comfort to myself." This 
was a bitter disappointment to those who cherished 
with fondest care their beloved sufferer, but from 
her meek and disciplined spirit there arose no 
murmur. u Even so, Father, for so it seemed 
good in Thy sight," softly fell from her lips, as 



71 

in one of her seasons of intensest pain, a weeping 
daughter questioned the wisdom and goodness of 
this renewed trial. Tears flow unbidden from 
many eyes now, as they recall that pale patient 
face, lined indeed with years of suffering, yet sel- 
dom crossed by a shade of impatience, and never 
failing to greet with welcoming smile the entrance 
of a loved one. 

The opening of the year 1854 brought threat- 
ening of another long season of illness. On the 
second Sabbath of the year she writes, after allud- 
ing to her state of health, " I have great cause for 
gratitude in the hope that another of my dear 
children has consecrated herself to her Saviour 
very recently. I think I am submissive to the 
will of my Heavenly Father, even though He 
choose again to lay me upon a bed of sickness, 
for the great burden which has been upon my 
mind for months is now removed. I have prayed 
and felt much for this dear child during the last 
two years, and if prayer is answered, and she has 
really passed from death unto life, my soul would 
be joyful in God." 

Scarcely had our mother penned these words 
ere she was prostrated by the most alarming ill- 
ness she had experienced for several years. There 



72 

seemed at one time but a shadow of hope that 
she could be raised up, but God still dealt 
kindly with us. Eecovering slowly, and able to 
write in her Journal again, she says, " I have 
been brought very low. For nearly three weeks 
I seemed to be on the borders of the grave. 
While thus lying, I do not remember that I had 
an anxious thought respecting the termination of 
my illness. I felt ready to go if it were the will 
of my Heavenly Father. But when the crisis 
was passed, and there was hope of my recovery, 
I found myself quite desirous that my life should 
be spared, especially for the sake of my two 
youngest children. May this new affliction be 
sanctified to myself and my family. I have no 
desire but to live nearer to Christ, and to educate 
my children for Him." 

Sabbath, April 9th. 

" This is the communion season in our church, 
and I have felt that it would be very pleasant to 
meet with Christ's people at His table, but my 
Father best knows what is for my good, and so I 
am still confined to my sick room. I trust that 
I am not rebellious, and unreconciled to His will, 
yet sometimes I find myself longing again to 



73 



breathe the fresh air, and enjoy some of my long 
interrupted privileges. To-day four of my beloved 
children are seated at the Lord's Table with their 
dear father, and if they are all indeed the children 
of God, what happy parents should we be. Now 
all our dear children, save the little ones, are en- 
rolled among the professed followers of Christ. 
How should we strive and pray that they, too, 
may become His lambs, and be included in His 
blessed fold. I have been devoting some time 
to prayer for my loved ones, and for the church. 
Why is it, I ask myself, when I feel so much for 
those who are out of Christ, that I find it so diffi- 
cult to converse upon the subject nearest my 
heart with any one ? Words always fail me when 
I need them, and I find myself distressed and un- 
happy because it is so." 

To the watchful eyes of her friends it was evi- 
dent that from the effects of this severe illness 
the subject of these pages never entirely reco- 
vered. It was long before she was able to resort 
to the means which usually proved sufficient 
to give temporary relief. At length, able to 
travel slowly, she passed a few weeks at Sharon 
Springs, in hopes of again deriving benefit from 
the waters. While there she writes, alluding to 

4 



74 



her disappointment in regard to decided improve- 
ment: 

"I begin to think that it is not the design of 
my Heavenly Father that I shall ever again enjoy 
the blessing of health. But I commit this and 
every other matter, to His wise disposal, who 
knows so much better than I what is for my 
good." 

During this visit a thorough examination of 
her case convinced the eminent physician con- 
sulted that there was no room for hope of a 
permanent cure. Her disease, an affection of the 
-heart, had progressed so far that temporary alle- 
viation was the most which could be expected, 
though, with care, life might be prolonged many 
years. The announcement of this decision, con- 
firming the worst fears of her friends, and so cal- 
culated to alarm one of her sensitive and shrink- 
ing temperament, was received by her with the 
utmost composure. She says, "He told me with 
great frankness that an act of imprudence might 
terminate my life at any instant. I know not 
why I received this announcement so calmly, un- 
less I was in some measure prepared for it, for 
my impression for years has been that this was 
the tendency of my disease. My only remark 



75 

was, ' My times are not in my own hand ;' while 
mentally I exclaimed, ' My times are in Thy 
hand, O my Father!' Now I feel that I have 
nothing to do but to lie passive in my Father's 
hand, letting Him do with me as l seemeth good 
in His sight!'" 

Again, in her own home, writing in her Journal, 
u November 12 th — Continued ill health keeps me 
Sabbath after Sabbath from the sanctuary. Some- 
times I am tempted to murmur that I am so long 
chastened, and my days made wearisome by pain 
and debility. Sometimes, too, I am anxious as 
to the result of all this. But I am thankful that 
this is not my usual state of mind. Far from it. 
I am generally happy, satisfied that all is right ; 
that, as a poor invalid boy once said, i My God 
makes no mistakes.' " 

Two or three months previous to this, she was 
called to pass through another season of affliction, 
" God," she says, "has been pleased to take from 
me another dear sister. The loss to her family 
and circle of friends is very great, but with her, we 
have every reason to suppose all has been infi- 
nite gain! For many years she has been, we 
trust, a child of God, and prepared for His will. 
She spoke often of her peace in God, and submis- 



76 



sion to His will. I little thought that she, the 
youngest, and apparently the most healthy among 
us, would be the first one to go. Especially does 
it seem wonderful that she should be called before 
me. But God ordered that it should be so, and 
His will be done !" 

Dec. 31st. — " The sufferings of the poor during 
this most inclement season, have been very great, 
and have enlisted my sympathies more than is 
good for my health. Yet I am able to do very little 
for them, and nothing personally, but I pray for 
them and give according to my means. Much is 
now being done by others for their souls as well 
as for their bodies, and I have been thinking that 
perhaps this season of 'hard times' may, by 
God's blessing upon the efforts made, be the 
means of the salvation of many souls. * * * * 
1 Wars and rumors of wars,' come to us from the 
European continent, and thousands of souls are 
hurried into Eternity without a moment's warn- 
ing. It may be that God is preparing the way by 
overturning the kingdoms of this world, for the 
spread of the Gospel, and the setting up of that 
glorious kingdom which shall extend throughout 
every land, until Messiah shall reign King of 
Nations as He is now King of His saints. God 



77 

grant that the day soon come ! Amen and 
Amen !" 

January 28th, 1855. — Still confined to my 
room, and now most of the time to the bed or 
chair by continued and increasing ill health. It 
is nearly a month since I went down stairs, and 
almost two months since I have been out to 
breathe the fresh air. But I would not complain 
while I have so much to be thankful for, and to 
encourage me. I often contrast my situation with 
that of others who are suffering from ill health 
during this changeable winter, and I feel that 
instead of murmuring, I ought to be full of praise 
and thanksgiving. Not only have I the means 
of obtaining every thing which can ameliorate 
the sufferings of a sick chamber, but I have a 
husband ever loving and devoted, sparing no 
expense for my comfort, and children, one and 
all dutiful, affectionate, and attentive, to the 
greatest degree I could wish, and many, many 
other kind friends who do all in their power 
for my happiness. I have also of late enjoyed 
calmness of mind and a delightful trust in my 
Saviour, comforted by the hope that He will 
never leave nor forsake me; and even now I have 
confidence, that I shall have grace for every trying 



78 



hour, even though, it be the last. Sometimes 
I lose this calmness, and in view of the pro- 
bable physical suffering which I should endure 
in a dying hour from my disease, I am over- 
come with greater fear and trembling than I 
can describe. The only remedy then is to go 
right to my Saviour and tell Him all, as did 
John's disciples, perfectly certain that I have an 
High Priest who can be touched with every feel- 
ing of my infirmities, and I earnestly entreat that 
I may have something of His spirit, when He 
said, ' Not my will but Thine be done !' " 

" April 6th. — All winter I have looked forward 
to the coming Sabbath, trusting that then I 
should be permitted to meet with the people of 
the Lord at His table, and when my physician 
told me yesterday that it could not be, and 
also spoke more discouragingly than ever with 
regard to my case, for a time I was overwhelmed 
with surprise and grief, for I had indulged the 
hope of improvement in my health. I felt 
deeply the thought that I should not for months, 
perhaps never again, be permitted to enter the 
house of God. Again have I examined my 
hopes for Eternity, and feel sure that they are 
founded alone upon Christ. Without this founda- 



79 

tion I should be lost, for I see so much sin 
within me, that it would preclude all hope, 
but for the peace-speaking blood of Christ. I 
know that it is my duty to do all in my power to 
prolong my life for the sake of my dear family, 
and therefore I try to cultivate a meek and quiet 
spirit, knowing that my life depends, under Grod, 
upon freedom from care and anxiety. Thus I 
try to leave all the future with my Heavenly 
Father, and each day devote myself to present 
duties. And now, Lord, increase my faith, and 
let me have the joy of seeing all my beloved 
children walking in the truth, if it is Thy holy 
will to grant me so great a happiness." 

In the foregoing extract allusion is made to 
the performance of daily duties. It may be sup- 
posed that the writer referred exclusively to reli- 
gious and spiritual duties, considering herself 
exempt by her physical weakness from any other 
occupations. But so far was this from the case, 
that she was never unemployed unless prostrated 
by the most severe suffering. It was a cause of 
gratitude with her that she was enabled to make 
much use of her hands as well as of her head and 
eyes. Some time in each day was devoted to 
reading, much of which was in religious works, — 



80 

though, by no means all, for she gave due atten- 
tion to the current literature of the day, and 
dreaded greatly "getting behind the times" by 
means of her seclusion. One friend remarked to 
her, " I never saw your hands idle." Her reply 
was, " There is so much to do in the world I may 
surely do my little share." She was often occu- 
pied in preparing articles of clothing for the poor, 
feeling that it was but poor charity to give gar- 
ments requiring a great outlay of labor in their 
repair to those whose time was fully occupied. It 
has been stated that in her early life she evinced 
much talent for letter- writing. She never allowed 
this gift to fall into disuse, after the manner of too 
many who are similarly burdened with household 
cares. Leisure moments were happily employed 
for the gratification of absent children or friends. 
She had also a large number of occasional cor- 
respondents, and no friend was placed in circum- 
stances of affliction without immediate remem- 
brance from her hand. 



81 



VII. 

In May, 1855, the period of comparative ease, 
was interrupted by another season of extreme 
pain and prostration. Again was the enfeebled 
frame brought very near death ; and at one time 
she expressed strongly the opinion that she should 
never rally, but she writes : " God has again 
been pleased to spare my life, and my phy- 
sician thinks there is more hope for me, than 
there has been for two years past. Surely good- 
ness and mercy continually follow me. Oh for a 
heart that can be grateful enough for all God's 
goodness." 

The close of this year called forth her usual 
tribute of gratitude for its mercies. After re- 
counting some of them, she adds : " With the 
closing year this volume comes to an end, and 
the question arises, shall this be destroyed, thus 
sharing the fate of several of its predecessors, or 
shall I keep it that after my death my children 
may know something of their mother's mind? 

4* 



82 

Were it not for my children, I would not hesitate 
a moment, but the hope of interesting and bene- 
fiting them influences me to preserve some of 
these notes, in writing which I have only obeyed 
an irresistible impulse. At any rate, I will pre- 
serve this, as it may be pleasant for me in some 
future time of suffering to peruse a record of the 
mercies of the past. A strong motive for its pre- 
servation is that my children may have some 
knowledge of the many times which I have 
devoted to prayer, with ' strong crying and tears ' 
for them, and that thus they may be induced to 
consecrate themselves wholly to the service of the 
Lord. May this year just opening, be one of rich 
spiritual blessings." And with an ascription of 
praise to the Triune God, a large volume closes, 
from which we have made the foregoing selections. 
A new one was commenced with the last year of 
her life. Very precious to us seem these last 
heart-communings, and tenderly will the eyes of 
her children rest upon the few further extracts 
we make. 

In February of the year 1856, she was again in 
danger of entire prostration. After writing that 
she feels " languid, feeble, and every day endures 
much pain," she adds : " Indeed, I do not believe 



83 

that I have for many years passed a day of entire 
freedom from pain," — then, as if fearful of mur- 
muring, " but oh ! how little do I appreciate the 
mercies which have been bestowed upon me dur- 
ing all this long series of years ! How small have 
been the returns of gratitude! Sometimes when 
reflecting upon the happiness frequently enjoyed 
in spiritual things, and the many temporal bless- 
ings bestowed upon me, especially the love and 
kindness of my dear husband, children, and other 
friends, I am overwhelmed and humbled at the 
coldness of my love to that Saviour who has, I 
trust, in a measure, washed and sanctified my 
soul, and given me a good hope through grace, 
that I shall at last conquer through His merits 
alone. This is my only trust for salvation." 

In the month of April, after several weeks of 
seclusion in her own room, she expresses her joy 
in the prospect of being permitted on the follow- 
ing Sabbath to meet the people of Christ at His 
table. Disappointed, when the day arrived, by 
the inclemency of the weather, she remarks: 
" Duty compels me to forego the anticipated 
pleasure. The time seems very long that I have 
been shut away from all social religious privileges. 
I have only been to the house of God six times 



84 



during the last two years and a half, and it is six 
years since I went to an evening or social prayer- 
meeting. Of all places none are more precious to 
me than those of social prayer. Many times I 
have prayed that I might again be permitted these 
privileges, but Grod has not yet seen fit to answer 
my petition. Sometimes I have so greatly enjoy- 
ed His presence at home, as to realize how He can 
make up to me for the want of outward means of 
grace, by the light of His countenance, and the 
testimony of His Spirit witnessing with mine that 
He is still the Lord God, merciful and gracious, 
abundant in goodness, forgiving iniquity and 
transgression." 

It seems to have been evident, from this time, 
to the beloved sufferer that she was gradually 
failing, and that the end was probably not far 
distant. Perhaps she realized it more than did 
others who watched her with anxiety. Yet an 
increasing debility was so apparent that it was 
with much hesitation her husband left her for 
a few weeks in the month of June. During 
this time she appeared to rally a little, and writes 
of herself: " Though I am exhausted by a dis- 
tressing cough, yet there are some reasons why I 
hope that I am improving slightly. Perhaps I 



85 

may yet be spared for a longer time than I have 
supposed." A visit to her absent children in 
their country home had long been planned ; and 
to the fond mother had promised unusual happi- 
ness. She says, " I know not why, but my heart 
seemed more set upon this visit than upon any- 
thing earthly for a long time." u As the time 
drew near," remarks her husband, "it became 
too painfully evident that it would not be prudent 
for her to undertake so long a journey. It was a 
great trial to her to give up this anticipated 
pleasure ; but after consulting her physician, she 
acquiesced without a murmur." 

She writes before the question was quite de- 
cided : " The doubt has already caused me much 
suffering, but I am becoming reconciled to it, 
feeling that all will be ordered in mercy." After 
some consultation, a visit to friends in a quiet 
rural home nearer to the city, was decided upon ; 
and here it was hoped that pure air, and drives 
amid new and cheerful scenery might restore the 
failing strength. But it was not to be. During 
a sudden change of weather, in the month of Au- 
gust, she took cold, and was so ill as to be con- 
stantly confined to her room during the whole of 
her visit. Indeed, at one time, it seemed that she 



86 

might never recover sufficiently to return to her 
own residence. She writes : "It may be the will 
of my Father to detain me here for a long time, 
but I am rejoiced that I do not know it before it 
comes to pass. He knows it, however, who knows 
the end from the beginning. I desire to be no 
longer rebellious, no more to beg earnestly even 
for comfortable health. I am so much reduced in 
strength now, and becoming more and more so, 
that I think, if permitted to go home, it will be to 
die. I pray for exactly the right preparation. I 
have everything but health to make me cling to 
life, but if the mandate has gone forth no power 
can stay it. Thy will be done ! •• ■ 

In the early part of September the return to 
her own home was accomplished, with less diffi- 
culty than had been anticipated. In the latter 
part of the month her symptoms were again less 
favorable. 

From this time until early in November her 
sufferings were much increased. Her nights were 
especially painful, as from difficulty of respira- 
tion she was unable to lie down. She spoke to 
a dear friend, at this time, of the great sense she 
felt of her Saviour's presence during these nights 
of bodily distress. All doubt of her acceptance 



87 

seemed to be removed; and although at times 
suffering from her constitutional fear of death, 
and her persuasion that her own departure would 
be especially painful, she charged this friend to 
remember, after she was gone, that grace had 
been given her in great measure to overcome 
these fears. Her husband says : " She had 
been looking to a fatal termination of her disease 
from the time of her severe attack in the winter 
of 1854-5 ; and as her disease progressed she was 
accustomed to converse freely with me upon the 
subject with perfect composure, and a charming 
spirit of Christian resignation. Yet, during this 
time she rarely alluded to the subject in conversa- 
tions with other members of her family, fearful of 
distressing them. L God will give them grace when 
the time comes, and I do not wish to see them 
looking grieved/ was her remark to me." In 
October her eldest daughter parted with her 
after a few weeks of cherished intercourse. See- 
ing the struggle to keep back the falling tears 
at the thought of a separation, which might be 
for life, she kissed her tenderly, saying, " Don't 
feel so badly, darling. If it is best, my prayer 
will be granted, that you shall stand by me 
when the last hour comes!" But it was not 



88 



best, — or that fond prayer would not have been 
denied. 

On Sabbath day, October 12, in her Journal, 
after alluding to her increasing suffering and de- 
bility, she adds : "I cannot feel otherwise than that 
this is the beginning of the end. When that will 
come I know not ; but I am constantly praying 
that T may be so prepared that I shall not be 
taken by surprise. I do not find myself anxious 
about the result, feeling sure from past experi- 
ence, that I shall find grace in time of need : that 
my God will not desert me in the hour of my 
extremity. This is the Sabbath upon which the 
precious death of Christ is commemorated in 
our church, and I feel disappointed that neither 
of my younger daughters have come forward to 
unite themselves with the people of God. I am 
sure that both are seriously inclined, and often I 
hope for them. Oh for the heavenly influences 
of the blessed Spirit to fill their hearts with love 
to Christ, and a willingness to come out and de- 
clare themselves upon his side ! I have faith to 
believe that they will yet show themselves de- 
cided Christians ; but when I think of the danger 
of delay I long to have them take this stand now. 
I have much desired of late to unite with some 



89 

Christian friends, in celebrating the death of 
Christ at home, but there seem to be many difficul- 
ties in the way. Oh for a submissive spirit with 
regard to this and everything!" These desires 
regarding her children were granted. Not many 
weeks after writing the above, she was permitted 
to rejoice that they were given to her prayers. 

Three in heaven, and seven on earth! Her 
faith now looked forward to the hour when she 
should meet them all in the heavenly mansions. 
" Perhaps my work is now done," she writes : 
" I have often felt that my work on earth and my 
sufferings too, would be ended, when I could see 
all my beloved children following the Saviour, to 
whom their parents have consecrated them." In 
this connexion we cannot forbear alluding again 
to the constant efforts both in conversation and 
by means of the pen, with which she sought to 
give efficiency to her prayers and example. Of 
the loving spoken words treasured, how fondly, 
in the hearts of those to whom they were ad- 
dressed, we have no other record, but upon the 
many letters and little notes which have been 
preserved, filled with a- mother's anxious heart- 
breathings, our eyes linger longingly. We would 
transcribe them one and all, but the limits of this 



90 

little Memorial forbid, and we must confine our- 
selves to ttie closing words of one, which may- 
serve to give some idea of the style in which 
they are written. It is a birth-day letter, penned 
during the last summer of her life, to one of the 
" younger daughters," for whom she had ex- 
pressed so much solicitude. 

" You must know, my dear child, that these 
lines are prompted by a mother's love, and that 
mother feels always that her life is hanging upon 
a very slender thread, and is now more than 
usually threatened. She feels that at any time 
she may be called to give up her stewardship. 
Oh, how delightful would be the thought that all 
her beloved ones were in the Ark of Safety, pre- 
pared to meet all life's storms, and ready to do 
all in their power for the advancement of Christ's 
kingdom! Sometimes, my darling child, I feel 

that I cannot wait any longer for you and G , 

my ' loved ones ' and £ longed for ' in Christ, to 
come out upon the Lord's side. If I could feel 
that you had both accepted Christ, I should be 
almost too happy. I do not doubt, my darling, 
that when you feel low-spirited and unhappy, 
the Spirit of God is striving with you. Perhaps 
you are sometimes wishing that you had some 



91 



one to whom you could go for advice and guid- 
ance. The Bible is your best and only true 
guide. Consult it day by day, and you will 
learn what God would have you do. And now 
my beloved children, I have already written at 
too much length, and must commend you to God 
and to the word of His grace, which I have done 
many times lately. May I soon have the joy of 

seeing you and dear little G walking in the 

way of life." 

During the months of October and Novem- 
ber, various painful and at times most alarming 
symptoms appeared. Her sufferings at night in- 
creased, and for many weeks she was unable to 
obtain any rest excepting in a sitting posture. 
Many of these distressing symptoms were alle- 
viated about the close of the month of November, 
and the ever-patient sufferer notices with especial 
gratitude the relief obtained when able again to 
lie down at night. 

Until this alteration she had little expectation 
of living through the winter ; but the change was 
so marked, that she said, " it seemed as though 
life might be prolonged beyond her previous ex- 
pectations." 

One morning, after a night of great physical 



92 



suffering, during the season above referred to, 
she handed to one of her daughters a little slip of 
paper, with the following words penciled upon 
it, which she requested her to copy to send to her 
absent child : " By the following you can see how 
kindly our Heavenly Father does with me. After 
a particularly ill-turn last night, I found myself 
shrinking from the thought of dying in such dis- 
tress. After having fallen asleep I awoke with a 
thought, which being disconnected with anything 
upon which I had been reading or thinking for 
some time, I felt sure came directly from the 
Holy Comforter, and it cheered and consoled me 
not a little for the remainder of the night. The 
reflection was this. When our Saviour was in 
the midst of His deepest suffering, having three 
times besought His Father that the cup might 
pass from Him, the Father sent an angel from 
Heaven to comfort Him; and if this help was 
needed by the Son, who was also God, and was 
of His own choice enduring those sufferings, surely 
He will consider the wants of His feeble children, 
and not forsake those in their time of greatest 
need and extremity, who so much more require 
aid and comfort. On this thought I am resting 
to-day hopefully." 



93 

The last entry in her private Journal is on 
Sabbath day, December 14. * * * 

" Since I last wrote in this book I have been 
alarmingly ill, and very near death to all appear- 
ance, but again my Heavenly Father has seen fit 
to rebuke disease, and to relieve suffering, the in- 
tenseness of which none can know who have not 
passed through it. Now I am so comfortable, that 
I am a wonder to myself, to my physicians, and to 
all my friends. I have no hope of permanent re- 
covery, and scarcely expect to leave these rooms 
where I have now been confined more than three 
months. But I am most grateful to be relieved 
from the sufferings of a month since. * * * 
How can I be otherwise than grateful and hum- 
ble, when I am surrounded by loved and loving 
ones, doing all in their power to make me com- 
fortable and happy ! Oh, my Saviour, be pleased 
to give me an humble, quiet, and submissive 
spirit." How perfectly characteristic is this last 
sentence she ever penned in the Journal, for so 
many years sacred to herself and her God ! Grati- 
tude for mercies, an humble sense of un worthi- 
ness, and the ever-recurring prayer for the spirit 
of meek submission ! We close the volume with 
thankfulness, that she was enabled to leave so 



94 



precious a record of her faith, love, and prayers, 
for the eye of those who beheld in her daily life, 
the blessed fruits of the indwelling grace she 
sought so earnestly. 



95 



VIII. 

It was on Monday night, the 29th of Decem- 
ber, 1856, that the first symptom was perceived 
of a change for the worse from the comfortable 
state of the past few weeks. It was not until the 
second morning of the New Year, that much 
solicitude was felt. There were no violent symp- 
toms, yet the appearance of great and unusual 
debility, and a slight mental wandering, caused 
the most serious fears. And when the next day 
brought no relief the presence of the fatal messen- 
ger was but too apparent. The silver cord was 
indeed loosened, and gently but surely was part- 
ing. From him who had so long been the near- 
est and dearest earthly friend, and who had ever 
supported her with cheering words, she now heard 
the opinion of her physicians. In a memorandum 
made soon after this conversation, he says, " Never 
shall I forget the perfect calmness with which 
she received the announcement of our apprehen- 
sions, and although her mind had previously been 
wandering, she had now full possession of all her 



96 

faculties. Self-possession, memory, and reflection 
appeared in full vigor, and continued until I felt 
it my duty to suspend the interview, in the fear 
of taxing lier failing strength too much. Her 
reply to the few words, in which I communicated 
our apprehensions, was as follows, and the words 
were spoken with perfect calmness, and almost 
with the strength of full health : 

" < I thank you, my dear husband, for letting 
me know it while I have strength to converse with 
you. I have so often been apparently quite as 
ill, and certainly suffering much more, that I am 
in some measure surprised by this announcement, 
yet, I trust, not unprepared. Although it has 
been the will of my Heavenly Father that I 
should be laid aside from active service, by long 
years of illness, yet no one has greater cause for 
gratitude for God's mercies than I have, sur- 
rounded as I am by a loving and happy family, 
all doing their utmost to add to my comfort. I 
can truly say, God's goodness has followed me all 
the days of my life. The precious support of my 
Saviour has sustained me in days and years of 
sickness and suffering, and I do not, I trust, feel 
impatient. I can leave myself in the hands of 
my Heavenly Father, and say, with all my heart, 



97 



" Thy will be done." If the Lord has nothing 

MORE FOR ME TO DO HERE, IT IS BEST TO BE 

at Rest with Him in Heaven. I feel that 
the Saviour's everlasting arms are around me, 
otherwise how could I be so calm ? I fear that I 
shall not have strength to talk with my dear 
children. But if not, tell them that it has been 
the one great desire of my life that they may 
love Christ and be actively engaged in His 
service. I have been sometimes almost led to 
repine that I have been able to do no more. But 
it gives me great happiness to believe that all my 
dear children belong to Christ. May they be 
faithful devoted followers of their Saviour ! Tell 
my beloved M., if I should not live until she 
comes, that I had hoped to see her once more, 
but if that is hot the will of Providence, she must 
remember that the Lord doeth all things well. 
My earnest prayer for herself, and her dear 
husband, and their children, and for you, my 
beloved husband, and for all our dear children 
is, that the rich and precious blessings of our 
Heavenly Father may rest upon every one. I 
commend you all to a faithful covenant-keeping 
God, and have faith to believe that in His own 
good time, we shall meet, an unbroken family in 

5 



98 

Heaven!' She then called for a memorandum 
which was made some time previously, contain- 
ing particular bequests and directions ; and after 
making some alterations, she said : ' I find that 
my strength fails, and if I should not be able to 
say any more you will find among my papers a 
full expression of my views and hopes as a 
Christian. 7 " After this time she was unable to 
converse, except in a few precious words with 
each of her children. 

Occasionally reviving a little upon the Sabbath, 
the day passed to the anxious watchers in alter- 
nating hopes and fears. She was failing, yet the 
change was so gradual, that it was not until 
early Monday morning that the death signet was 
plainly seen upon her brow. Silently gathered 
about her couch weeping friends and relatives. 
Of her own beloved children, all were there save 
one. Yes, all, — for may we not think that invisible 
to our eyes, perchance not to hers, hovered there 
the angel forms who were to welcome a mother 
to their Heavenly home ? All suffering was now 
apparently passed, and calmly as an infant sleeps 
she waited the last moment. About half an hour 
previous to this the question was put, " Do you 
understand what we are saying?" " Yes, per- 



99 

fectly," was the whispered reply. A few mo- 
ments later she breathed the name of the absent 
daughter, not as if calling for her, but rather 
to leave her the sweet assurance that in that 
hour she was not forgotten. She was then asked 
if she had unshaken confidence in her Saviour, 
and was supported by Him. She replied : " In 
Him, in Him, supported on every side." Shortly 
after, gently, peacefully, with scarcely a struggle, 
she " fell asleep." It was at a quarter before 
eleven o'clock, on the morning of Monday, Janu- 
ary 5, 1857. No loud outburst of grief was in 
that hushed chamber. A form, wasted with long 
years of suffering, yet beautiful in death, lay there. 
But not upon this alone rested the eyes of the 
chastened group. Nor yet upon the great bereave- 
ment with which we were stricken did we dwell. 
Thought followed the freed spirit as up-borne 
by those everlasting arms, and " supported upon 
every side," she passed within the gates of glory, 
to receive that divine welcome, the fulness of 
blessing to every soul redeemed from the sins 
and sufferings of this mortal life, " Enter into 
the joy of thy Lord ! " 

In accordance with a wish expressed some- 
time before, the beloved form was not arrayed in 



100 

death's usual habiliments. The spotless white 
presented her as we loved to gaze upon her in 
life, and the white flowers she ever cherished 
lovingly lay upon her breast and in her folded 
hands. So, we exclaimed, as with bursting hearts 
we kissed the dear face for the last time, shall she 
one day arise, in face and form as we have known 
her ; yet how glorious ! " Sown an earthly body, 
raised a spiritual body ; sown in weakness, raised 
in power!" The hymn was sung which was 
used at the funeral of her daughter. " Unveil 
thy bosom, faithful tomb!" Then comforting 
words of Scripture were rehearsed, and the fol- 
lowing address delivered by the pastor of the 
bereaved family, the Eev. Dr. Prentiss. 



" There are few spots on earth, where religion 
and the world appear in such vivid contrast as at 
the house of Christian mourning. Death is the 
end of the world ; all its hopes perish, its most 
ambitious and successful schemes fall to pieces, at 
the open grave; its utmost glory there changes 
into the darkness of midnight. What can the 
world promise us after our bodies shall have 
turned to dust? If we had come together, my 
friends, to the burial of a mere child of time, what 



101 

joy could we have in laying her body in the 
tomb? What word of true consolation respect- 
ing her immortal state, could I administer to this 
bereaved household ? Alas ! I should be dumb 
with silence ! In vain should I search the world's 
oracles for a text, from which I might speak words 
of comfort. I could, it is true, recall the past : I 
might depict the virtues which adorned the depar- 
ted ; I could magnify the loss of surviving friends ; 
but the instant I confronted the simple, stern reality, 
and asked you to look with me into the future, we 
should all hang down our heads in despair. There 
is no future to the world; or, if there be, it is a 
dark, impenetrable cloud. To the questions so 
eagerly put by the lips of grief: Where is the 
departed spirit ? Does she still live ? Is she at 
rest ? Shall we ever meet again ? the world has no 
sure answer ; its wisest philosophy can only guess 
at the truth. How different from all this is the 
angel voice of Christian faith ! How prompt and 
unmistakable is her response to the questions — 
Where is the departed spirit? Does she still 
live ? Is she at peace ? At her bidding are almost 
innumerable precious sayings of the Son of God 
and of His inspired apostles, bearing directly upon 
this point : L If I go away, I will come again/ and 



102 



receive you unto myself; that where I am there 
ye may be.' ' Because I live, ye shall live also.' 
4 Blessed are the dead, who die in the Lord.' 
Death is thus the very flower and spiritual coro- 
nation of a Christian life. It is a solemn initiatory 
act, fearful to the eye of sense, but glorious to the 
eye of faith, whereby the soul of the believer is 
introduced into the church triumphant ; even as 
through the pangs of contrition and dying unto 
sin it was first introduced into the militant church. 
There is nothing excellent in a disciple of Jesus 
which the grave does not immortalize ; nothing 
imperfect which it does not rectify and complete ; 
nothing sinful which it does not for ever destroy. 
The office of death, as I have intimated, is to the 
believer somewhat like that of repentance to the 
worldling. As the one, in the order of grace, 
precedes justification and adoption into the family 
of God, so the other precedes glorification and 
admission into the presence of God. Eepentance 
has its tears, its agony, its terrors, and hence 
seems to many so repulsive ; yet, is none the less 
the highway to 'joy unspeakable and full of 
glory.' So death has its dark and painful and 
repulsive side : to the children of the world its 
aspect is appalling ; yet to the Christian death is 



103 

really ' the natal day of eternity/ a kind of third 
birth, which transcends the glory of the second 
as the second excelled the first. For if it was a 
great thing to be born into this wondrous realm 
of nature, with faculties capable of comprehend- 
ing its divine order and beauty ; and if it was a 
1 new creation,' when by the power of the Holy 
Ghost we first learned to cry 'Abba, Father,' 
what words shall describe the change when 
through the portals of the tomb the regenerate 
soul passes into the actual vision and enjoyment 
of ' things unseen and eternal V When she finds 
herself before the very throne of infinite love ? 
If death is still even to the Christian an evil or a 
penalty, how has its sting been extracted ! What 
vast privileges have been joined to it ! Through 
what a brief agony does it usher the transformed 
spirit into perfect and everlasting blessedness ! 

11 c But may we feel absolutely assured of these 
things?' As sure as we feel that Jesus Christ 
Himself rose again from the dead, ascended into 
heaven, and sitteth on the right hand of God. 
4 Because I live, ye shall live also.' ' I will 
that they whom thou hast given me, be with me 
where I am.' We ask for no better, no stronger 
pledge than this; His own royal word attested 



104 



by His own glorious resurrection. No doubt, 
there are many interesting questions respecting 
the state of the departed saints, which baffle 
inquiry. Scripture has wisely left them shrouded 
in mystery. It is not needful for our comfort, 
whether in view of our own death or that of 
friends, that we should be able to answer them. 
The points of chiefest interest are very clear. 
That our dying Christian friends go at once into 
the presence of their Lord — that they are at rest, 
and entirely h,appy in communion with Christ 
and with all saints; and that we shall love and 
meet them again within the veil; this all is 
plainly revealed. Some, I am aware, have ex- 
pressed a doubt whether the saints will retain 
their earthly affections, or even know each other 
in heaven. But such doubt seems to me far 
removed from the sweet and consoling faith of 
the gospel. 

Eternal form shall still divide 
The eternal soul from all beside ; 
And I shall know him when we meet ; 
And we shall sit at endless feast, 
Enjoying each the other's good — 
What vaster dream can hit the mood 
Of love on earth ? 



105 

" Such reflections seem to me well suited to the 
occasion on which we are assembled. This is 
the house of Christian mourning. Here, it is 
true, are the signs of death ; here is an inanimate 
human form ; here is the shroud and the coffin ; 
here are the habiliments of grief, tearful eyes, 
bereaved and sorrow-stricken hearts. Nature 
demands this tribute. But are these things all 
that meet us here? Nay, here too, visible to 
the eye of faith, are signs of a great victory. As 
I look upon this lifeless form, I think of the im- 
mortal spirit which has just forsaken it; I think 
of her deliverance from the pains of sickness and 
all the infirmities of the flesh ; I think of her 
flight to heaven, and her entrance into the joy of 
her Lord. I think that while we are gathered 
around her bier, she is beholding the face of 
Jesus Christ in His kingdom, a happy, ransomed, 
glorified saint. And as I muse on these things, 
this house of mourning appears to me changed, 
as it were, into a house of God, and the very gate 
of heaven! A celestial halo seems to encircle 
the place ; and instead of uttering words of con- 
dolence, I feel rather as if it were an hour for 
rejoicing and congratulation. I know full well 
that this household has been invaded by no com- 

5* 



106 

mon affliction. She, whom they mourn, was a 
rare example of domestic and Christian excel- 
lence. Were this the place for eulogy, I could 
speak with admiration of the varied and lovely 
virtues which adorned her character. Not to 
dwell upon her relations as wife, daughter, sister 
and friend, which she fulfilled so well, I cannot 
refrain from alluding in particular to her singular 
maternal devotion and faithfulness. She was 
such a mother as the grace of God only can 
fashion. Her natural affection for her children 
was ennobled and sanctified by a profound and 
habitual solicitude for their eternal interests. 
To train them up for Christ and His kingdom 
was her ruling aim and desire. Happy, indeed, 
are the children who have been the objects of 
such prayers, such unselfish love, such faithful 
counsels and instruction! An inheritance like 
this, such a legacy of a mother in heaven, is of 
more value than a thousand worldly fortunes. 

"The Christian character of the departed was 
founded in earliest youth, and it had the strength, 
symmetry, wisdom, and mature loveliness, which 
are seldom attained without long and devout cul- 
ture. For many years she had been subject to 
violent attacks of disease, and during the last 



107 

three or four years she passed through a constant 
and most severe discipline in the school of sick- 
ness. She had ample time to learn by heart both 
its trials and its blessings. Nor was the op- 
portunity lost. The sweet graces of patience, 
cheerfulness, self-oblivion, tender and affectionate 
thought for others, abstraction from the world, 
filial resignation to the divine will, and a perfect 
trust in Christ; these all shone forth with un- 
usual lustre in her sick room. She would some- 
times express the fear that her life was becoming 
useless ; but I doubt if in her most vigorous and 
fortunate days, she did so much in reality for her 
children, exerted upon her family so benign and 
lasting an influence as during the past two or 
three years of her weariness, pain, and approach- 
ing death. Her sick room was the inner sanc- 
tuary of the whole household. 

"She was a great sufferer, and often seemed to 
be at the very gate of death ; so often, indeed, 
that the final summons took her somewhat by 
surprise, though not unprepared. When informed 
by her husband on Saturday that her end was 
probably near, she received the intelligence in 
perfect composure, thanked him for communicat- 
ing it, and then gathering up her fast failing 



108 



strength, gave expression to her dying wishes, 
feelings and hopes. Nothing could be more 
beautiful or more consoling in the remembrance. 
It was the calm triumph of dying grace. She 
blessed God that all her children had been 
brought into the fold of Christ, sent messages to 
the absent, recounted the mercies of the Lord, — • 
4 And now,' she added, 'if my Heavenly Father 
has nothing more for me to do, it is best that I 
should be at rest with Him in heaven. 7 In a 
few hours she breathed her last, not in mortal 
struggle, as she had feared, but gently as an infant 
falls asleep. l And I heard a voice from heaven, 
saying unto me, write, Blessed are the dead who 
die in the Lord.' " 

Her former pastor, Kev. Dr. Skinner, closed the 
services with prayer, and the benediction. Then 
we committed the body to the tomb ; " earth to 
earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust ; looking for the 
general resurrection in the last day, and the life of 
the world to come, through our Lord Jesus Christ." 



109 



IX. 

Will it be unbecoming, if without venturing on 
eulogy, we pay a fond tribute to the peculiar 
benevolence of this dear departed one ? 

It is right to say, — it would be an injustice not 
to say it, — that on her removal not a few poor 
dependents lost an appreciating and helping friend. 

In the temporal and spiritual welfare of her 
domestics she was always interested. And while 
all who ever lived with, her will confess that she 
afforded them a pleasant home, there are several 
who can testify that her interest in them did not 
terminate with their service. 

She often expressed the opinion that to the 
industrious poor no charity could be extended 
which, could be so grateful as $n abundance of 
work with, a full and prompt remuneration. 
Upon this faith, she acted, not only relieving but 
very nearly supporting some needy ones, whose 
gratitude was not lessened by the preservation of 
their own self-respect. 



110 



And on this wise, and in other ways, she was 
enabled to diffuse comfort among widows and 
orphans even from the chamber wherein she was 
so helpless. 

Among her beneficiaries for many years was a 
family which had been reduced, from comfortable 
circumstances, to dependence upon the exertions 
of an enfeebled mother, a widow advanced in 
life. A disastrous fire at length left them entirely 
destitute. No sooner did the tidings reach the ear 
of our gentle sufferer than appeals went forth, 
written from her bed to several of her acquaint- 
ances, setting forth the sad story. Never can we 
who saw her face forget the pleasure which 
beamed from her eye when, in consequence of this 
effort, she was permitted to furnish the unfortu- 
nate family with abundant assistance. 

It was not strange that a group of these humble 

friends gathered in an unobserved corner at the 

time of the last sad services, and wept together. 
•& # •& # # •& * 

Our mother appeared to be endowed with a 
peculiar power of winning the love and confidence 
of the young. 

The almost filial affection which many seemed 
to entertain for her, and the readiness and fre- 



Ill 

quency with which, her counsel was sought and 
plans were confided to her ear, was a subject of 
playful remark in her own family. Especially for 
orphan children were her sympathies called out. 
There are among these some who will never for- 
get her words of counsel and love, written and 
spoken. One remarks, " I never could speak as 
freely to any other one since I lost my own 
mother." Tokens of grateful remembrance she 
frequently received from these young friends. 
This was noticed at the time of her departure for 
Europe. A farewell note we find, from one, says, 
M You have always been nearer and dearer than 
any one else, since my own dear mother died." 
Another writes since her death, " To attend her 
funeral, was almost like going to my own mother's 
again." Another says, u She ever manifested an 
almost maternal interest in me." The secret of 
this charm lay in her transparent sincerity, her 
self-forgetfulness, and her ever quick sympathy. 
11 1 had not been ten minutes in her society before 
I felt that I had always known her," said one. 
And another exclaimed, once, after witnessing her 
eager interest for the comfort of an individual, 
while suffering greatly herself, "Does she ever 
think of herself?" 



112 

It would be a labor of love to make extracts for 
these pages from the many evidences which have 
been treasured and sent to us of her expressed 
sympathy for others in times of affliction. None 
who knew her could be brought into circumstan- 
ces of trial without discovering where at least one 
true friend could be found. If prevented by 
bodily infirmity from administering comfort per- 
sonally, her pen testified her thoughtfulness and 
brought consolation from the Holy "Word. Such 
remembrances were often accompanied by some 
trifling gift, perhaps a book or poem, selected with 
discrimination, and adapted to draw the stricken 
heart upward to the Author of all our joys and 
sorrows. 

There are those who never had any personal 
acquaintance with her, who retain tokens of her 
thoughtful regard for them in some dark day of 
the past. As well could she enter into the joys 
of others. Her face was radiant with pleasure 
when . she witnessed the new found happiness of 
one, or heard that light had been brought out of 
darkness for another. One writes, " I have always 
considered her sympathy the most perfect human 
sympathy I ever knew." 



113 



EXTRACTS FROM LETTERS RECEIVED SINCE HER 
DEATH. 



From a Brother. 

* * * In reflecting upon the past I have 
been greatly comforted in the review of a life so 
continuously devoted to the Master's business, 
exemplified in never-failing effort in behalf of all 
with whom she had to do ; praying and laboring 
for their best interests, both for time and eternity 
— fixed and constant in her affection for her 
parents, brothers, and sisters, — faithful and kind 
to all whose privilege it was to serve her in any 
capacity, — to the poor, a friend and benefactress, 
whom they will not cease to mourn as they look 
in vain for a substitute, — in a word, possessed of 
more disinterested benevolence than almost any 
other with whom I was ever acquainted. She 
derived her happiness from the consciousness of 
the happiness of others, herself as destitute 
of selfishness, as it were possible for a human 
being to be. Such have been her characteristics 
from my earliest recollection. " * * * * * 



114 

From a dear and intimate friend. 

* * * "It seems as if every word of encou- 
ragement and love, every act of kindness, and all 
good counsel from your dear one to me, comes 
up now with a freshness that invigorates my 
spirit, and with an influence of which the grave 
can never deprive me. 

* * * " I feel that my loss is that of a dis- 
interested and ever-interested friend. From the 
first welcome she gave me, up to the last inter- 
view I had with her, she always expressed for 
me and mine the most warm and generous sym- 
pathy and manifested it in deed, when she had the 
opportunity. I feel that I have been a better 
mother for the aid she gave me, and have ruled my 
household more efficiently, for the hints timely 
dropped me by her whom I think of so often as 
1 not slothful in business, fervent in spirit serving 
the Lord.' And this very text seems to me a 
fitting obituary of one who never spared self 
where the good of others was concerned." * * * 



115 



The following was received from the Rev. Dr. G , of 

New Haven, who for many years has been an intimate 
friend. 

* * * "I am now doubly glad that I had 
the privilege of an hour of sweet converse with 
her during my late visit to New York. It was 
beautiful to witness her serene quiet, and to hear 
her tell of that gush of light and joy, which came 
in upon her soul not long before when she had 
been for a time overtaken with darkness and fear. 
It was then only joy and peace, and my heart 
felt strengthened when she spoke of days and 
nights made cheerful and happy by the presence 
of our Lord. I said to myself, l Oh Death where 
is thy sting? Oh grave where is thy victory? 
Thanks be to God who giveth us the victory 
through Jesus Christ our Lord ! ' I thought, too, 
of the mercies of the covenant. It is now about 
forty years since I first became acquainted with 
her father, and no one who knew David L. Dodge 
in his glow of spiritual affection and devotedness 
to God, could doubt that the blessings of the 
father would rest upon his children. Nor will 
they stop here. Her consecrated ones will be 



116 



embraced in the same rich provisions of eternal 
mercy. Yours will be an unbroken circle when 
you stand with her before the throne. You will 
then say with unspeakable joy, ' Here are we 
and the children Thou hast given us.' It was a 
beautiful thought of the early Christians to con- 
sider the day of the death of their departed ones, 
as their birth-day. They kept it as such in joy 
and triumph ! Yes, my dear friend, you may bury 
those beloved remains, but they will leave a fra- 
grance behind them as you embalm her example 
in your memory, which will make your household 
more like the assemblies of the ' just made per- 
fect.' Call her blessed ! Let her children endea- 
vor to be like her — like her in those beautiful 
traits of character which so endeared her to all 
her friends, her cheerful piety, her elevated trust, 
her sweet child-like submission to the will of 
God !" 



14 May 1859 



364 92 



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